The Wonderful Dallas Fans: Highlights from the Comments Section

It was an innocent post: Mavericks guard DeShawn Stevenson got arrested when he was found drunk in an apartment complex. If he hadn't called the Heat "classless" earlier this week, there probably wouldn't have been a write-up. The finals are long over, but it was a chance to poke back at a guy who insulted Miami players. Not a big deal.

But, like so many of the other recent NBA posts, it's drawing a lot of comments from a horde of trolls that is almost as humorless as the people who planned to kill a Swedish cartoonist because he drew something they didn't like.

That's right, I'm talking about Dallas sports fans, who wouldn't know what "in good fun" meant if the definition was stapled to their bulging, barbecue-gorged midsections. We now humbly present some highlights from their insightful and lighthearted comments on the New Times website.

From the Stevenson article:

  • "this dudes a character and he shat all over prince james. sorry bandwagon faggots, wait till next year"
  • "HAHAHA, who wrote this ? They sound like a little girl whose heart was broken because the heat lost the series haha. Unprofessional."
    --from "Jessie James," who was apparently only recently made aware of the level of professionalism on this blog. (He is also a leading candidate for worst Twitter avatar on the web.)
  • "what a bitter baby the Rich Abdill is...he's the real loser."

From an article about the Mavs clubbing on Miami Beach:

  • "fuck you heat lmao!"
  • "idiots in miami.. dumb black savages. all of em."

From "Five Reasons Miami Is a Better City Than Dallas":

  • "Don't come to Dallas Rich. You won't leave, well not in one piece."
  • "Funny, funny I worte [sic] this fake journalist and he didn't have the balls to respond. I know many people who haev [sic] moved from Miami to Dallas and wouldn;t [sic] move back for anything. He lacks intellignece [sic] and journalistic skills. He's not even from Miami, he's from Maryland."
    --from "Candylicousness86," who has apparently discovered Google but not spell check or instructions on comma usage.

I only received one email about this story, from a journalism student who thinks she is quite intelligent. Consider this your response. I don't particularly care what you have to say about Texas, and I stopped reading your email after you said it could survive as a separate country, even though Texas needed a $6.4 billion bailout from devil Obama to help balance your budget.

Guys. It's a game. We're joking.

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