New Year Resolutions For Miami's Best and Brightest

The world didn't end after all on December 21, so now we all gotta make amends for our bad behavior in 2012. Our New Year's resolutions last year all failed, of course, whether it was taking abuelita to church every Sunday or deleting our Facebook accounts because Mark Zuckerberg is a privacy-pirating prick. That's why January 1 is so glorious: We can wipe the slate clean.

Here are Riptide's 2013 resolutions for ten of our favorite local denizens.