Five Warning Labels We'd Like to See on Things Besides Cigarettes

The FDA just announced that soon cigarettes would come with large picture warnings on packages to go along with classic written warning they've had for decades. Disturbing images of people on respirators, rotting teeth, damaged lungs, and a hole in the throat will soon adorn packs and are likely to make people think long and hard before they light up. We dig it (some people actually ranked the warnings). Smoking is responsible for a lot of cancer and shortened lives, and the government thinks people, especially kids, should know what they're getting into to when they light up.

But we're not into blatant hypocrisy here at Cultist. So, we think the government should shine its authoritarian spotlight on other harmful products and industries that have been hurting the American consumer for decades. Here are some suggestions for warning labels on other products. You're welcome America.

5. Cheeseburgers

Obesity is such a raging epidemic in America we can't even fit into our

seats anymore. But somehow the government gets all "hands off" when it

comes time to advise us against scarfing down fast food. From now on we

want pictures of fat people like Rush Limbaugh on the wrappers of Big


4. Driving

The country takes great pains to warn us against driving drunk, but

let's be honest, that's only part of the problem. In South Florida we

are acutely aware of the toll bad drivers can take on society, what with

the streets filled with dangerous drivers like octogenarians, roid raged

meatheads, and French Canadians. How 'bout a drive at your own risk sign

every so often.

3. Condoms

Of course, the whole point of wearing a condom is to avoid having babies

(and getting STDs) but it seems that only the parents of newborns know

this. Forget labels with sexy women or catchy names, just throw the mug

of some toddler on condom boxes and watch sales skyrocket. On second

though, pics of kids on condoms might not be the best idea.

2. Tanning Booths

It's hard to reconcile America's collective fear of the sun with its

collective fascination with bronzed bodies. But we figure add showing

George Hamilton for the older generations and the mooks from Jersey

Shore for the younger demographic will pretty much kill the practice of

having your skin bombarded with UV rays.

1. Sexting

The kiddies think writing provocative texts and sending pictures of

their packages is all fun and games. Well, it is, of course, until you

send a picture of your Weiner to a constituent and are forced into

resigning. If Anthony Weiner isn't the poster boy for the dangers of

sexting we don't know what is.

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