Having the Dallas Mavericks win the NBA Title probably seemed like a good idea for the rest of the country, at least for a couple of days. Heck, Dirk Nowitzki even became a household name, kind of. But the truth is, when the Miami Heat lost on Sunday, America was the biggest loser. That became painfully clear last night when the entire Mavericks team bumbled its way through announcing the "Top Ten Good Thing about Winning an NBA Championship" list on the Late Show with David Letterman.
Sour grapes? Maybe. Just more Miami arrogance? Could be. But the irrefutable truth is that the Mavs botched almost every single line. And this in their unofficial unveiling to the rest of the country. It was so embarrassing that all of Miami who watched the list couldn't help but be mortified for the Mavericks. And we've been dying for them to embarrass themselves. We hope you're happy America. Make the jump to watch some of the video, if you dare:
Not a single player, or the coach, or King Douche Owner Mark Cuban, had
anything resembling a modicum of screen presence. We know they're
athletes, not actors, but still. It was so painful to watch that if we
had the choice we'd rather watch LeBron's fourth quarter disappearing
acts on a loop rather than have to endure the list again. It gave viewers the
strange sensation of watching former high school virgins talk about
their first time to friends. But without any funny.
The list
itself was pretty lame, but the delivery is what really sunk it. We're not sure any of the Mavs actually know how to speak English,
including the American born players (and this coming from a Miami blog).
Maybe the scariest thing coming from the whole thing is that Shawn
Marion is rumored to be working on a reality show. Somebody in Hollywood
just shat themselves after watching him start the list of with a dud.
But
nobody was any better. Jason "Jet" Terry acted just like the turd you
thought he is with his bit about being able to ask for a raise. And with
all the air time Cuban gets we still can't understand why he looked
like he had never seen a camera. He did have his trademark shit-eating
grin.
Sure, much of the country will have missed this gem or somehow missed this post, but at least we know when we do win the title
next year, and the year after that, and after that, we'll be cool about
it. Not like you Dallas. But you were never cool to begin with.
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