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Charlie Sheen Finally Admits He's A Juggalo

Try, if you can, to imagine a grosser Burning Man. Not that the annual, drug-fueled New Age neverland orgy isn't gross. It is. But in addition to the week-long, middle-of-nowhere mass discharge of bodily fluids onto crystals, Burning Man also has mind-boggling works of art and provides a unique, thoroughly whimsical, and completely imerrsive experience.

All you get at Gathering of the Juggalos, the signature, four-day festival celebrating the movement surrounding supernasty hip-hop duo Insane Clown Posse, is a bunch of white people lathering their pasty torsos with soda, while wearing clown makeup and pants with legs the circumference of tree trunks, all in the name of Psychopathic brotherhood.

And who better to MC this comraderous, Caligula-inspired occasion, but Charlie Fucking Sheen.

We knew Sheen was on his way to being a full-fledged Juggalo at the first whiff of Tiger Blood. See, Insane Clown Posse built its career on the elaborate lyric-based mythology of The Dark Carnival, a narrative involving drug use, sexual assault, and murder, that, according to The Posse, was really just a giant metaphor for God. Acquaint yourself with the latest wave of Juggalo ideology via the 2011 Gathering of the Juggalos Infomercial.

During his now-infamous extended crackup (of which we are currently experiencing a third our fourth round of reverberations as Charlie tries to milk every penny), Sheen developed his own personal mythology -- Winning. And his disdain for Alcoholics Anonymous, particularly via his claims that he cured himself of addiction "with his mind," strikes a strong cord with the anti-science Juggalo contingent.

What remains unanswered is what Sheen's appearance will entail. Will he rap? Will he and Vanilla Ice douse each other in room-temperature Faygo? Most importantly, will he wear face paint?

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