THU 11

Ah, The King and I. The 1956 film version of this beloved Rodgers and Hammerstein musical gave Western audiences sing-along songs "Getting To Know You" and "Shall We Dance," Deborah Kerr in period gowns that made her rear end look 40 feet wide, and the Oscar-winning performance by bare-chested, baldheaded Yul Brynner, who strutted around oozing regal machismo while sporting silk MC Hammer-esque pants. But did you know that this Technicolor spectacular, as well as all the other versions of the 1870 story The English Governess and the King of Siam remains banned in Thailand to this day? See the Broadway tribute to Orientalism at 8:00 the Broward Center for the Performing Arts, 201 SW Fifth Ave., Fort Lauderdale. Tickets range from $25 to $64. Call 800-764-0700 or visit (PEGY)

FRI 12

Haters attack Sean "P Puff Diddy Daddy" Combs for possessing the grasping claw of the sampler. But being a hip-hop producer can often mean being a kind of Dr. Frankenstein, excising the precious hooks and bass lines from songs by artists like James Brown in order to craft a new, derivative, high-gloss hit. Well, according to the artists featured in CUT/Film as Found Object, Diddy's got the right idea. These artists manipulate movies and news clips just like rappers used "Funky Drummer," remixing for contemporary art's sake. See Christian Marclay's Video Quartet, a 16-mm Hollywood symphony played on ten-foot screens, and Omer Fast's CNN Concatenated, where the words of television talking heads are cryptically rearranged, opening tonight at 6:30 at the Museum of Contemporary Art, 770 NE 125th St. Admission is five dollars. Call 305-893-6211 or visit (PEGY)

SAT 13

Only in Hollywood (or Miami) would making a cokehead your mentor actually work out well. Blockbuster-maker Jerry Bruckheimer's tutorage under Don Simpson, who lost his life in a blaze of glory drug overdose, became the inspiration for those trademark Bruckheimer moments: fast MTV style cuts, explosions that seem louder than life, and of course, beautiful plastic people. Bruckheimer imparts his knowledge in an interactive Q&A this evening at 6:00, at UA Movies at the Falls, 9000 SW 136th St. Tickets cost $12.50. Visit (KC)

We're scared of this one. A gang of tattoo artists with needles and easy access to alcohol would be enough to give even the bravest sailor the heebie-jeebies. Fear not, the Dysfunctional Art Show assures that all their artists will use paintbrushes, not needles and bare skin, to create their masterpieces. For a five-dollar donation, sip Bacardi and brand yourself dysfunctional as you peruse the artwork of Ochoplacas's artists at the Street Level Art Gallery, 2562 SW Eighth St. Call 305-541-6424 or visit (KC)

SUN 14

For those of you who enjoy watching majestic big cats get whipped into place by tamers in glitzy costumes, huzzah! The New Cole Bros. Circus is here. Watch trained tigers, horses, and poodles perform alongside daredevil human counterparts the Neves Flyers, The Human Cannonball and Supercat, recently seen high-diving in Tim Burton's film Big Fish. Enjoy shows at 1:30 p.m. and 4:30 p.m. today, under the giant striped tent at the Sportsplex at Coral Springs, 9551 West Sample Rd., Coral Springs. Tickets range from $15 to $20. Visit (PEGY)

Tonight, at the Jackie Gleason Theater (1700 Washington Ave., Miami Beach), leave Miami behind. Peek into a lush foreign world through the mythological dance drama of the Royal Thai Ballet Featuring the Khon. Thailand's Ramakien epic is brought to life, featuring demons, monkeys, and celestial beings in a good-versus-evil dance-off narrated by a chorus of singers, this afternoon at 1:00. Tickets range from $35 to $100. Call 305-673-7300 or visit (PEGY)

MON 15

When movie director Robert Zemeckis's friend Tom Hanks expressed interest in making a movie version of The Polar Express, Chris Van Allsburg's beloved Christmas children's book, Zemeckis smelled promise. Hanks dressed up in this sci-fi motion-sensor rigged catsuit to absorb himself into the digitized landscape. The result is an animation/live action hybrid that this two-time Academy-award winning team (Cast Away and Forrest Gump) has converted into an IMAX 3-D experience ten times larger than normal movies that promises to make you grasp for drifting snowflakes and duck when the train seems to come screeching right into your lap. Catch it at the Museum of Discovery and Science, 401 SW Second St., Fort Lauderdale. Tickets range from $12 to $14. Call 954-463-IMAX for showtimes, or visit (PEGY)

TUE 16

Parochial schools are totalitarian dictatorships. Priests and nuns empowered by their higher power to educate, and worse, discipline a classroom of rowdy kids don't seem that funny. Late Night Catechism sets out to change that. This interactive comedy will make you roar with laughter as a no-nonsense Catholic nun turns the audience into her classroom. Straighten up and fly right tonight at 8:30 at the Coconut Grove Playhouse, 3500 Main Highway, Coconut Grove. Call 305-442-4000. (KC)

Everyone's favorite type of charitable event not only allows donors to indulge their love for altruism by contributing to a worthy cause (in this case, the Cystic Fibrosis Foundation,) but also, said donor gets to couple that giving feeling with the pleasures of inebriation. The Wine Opener will feature a wide array of exquisite, lush flavors that will engage sophisticates. Drink up tonight at 7:00 at the Radisson Hotel Miami, 1601 Biscayne Blvd. Tickets range from $50 to $100 for VIP. Call 954-739-5006. (KC)

WED 17

The last Fleetwood rolled off the Clark Street Caddy factory in 1987, and today, Detroit is better recognized as the industrialized ghost town vividly depicted in Eminem's auto-biopic 8 Mile. Lolita Hernandez's Autopsy of an Engine and Other Stories from the Cadillac Plant is a debut collection of interconnected short stories that harkens back to a time when the Motor City was revved up and going places.Twelve characters show the decline of the auto industry and the consequent transformation of a once-bustling city into an eerie environment of forsaken factories and decaying neighborhoods. Hernandez reads tonight at 8:00 at Books & Books, 265 Aragon Ave., Coral Gables. Admission is free. Call 305-444-9044. (PEGY)