Whore Hounds, Unite

Whore Hounds, Unite
Filed under: Culture

Thank God for the Internet. Should all of South Florida be swallowed up by the sea, scientists 50 years from now will still be able to create a digital map of where to get the best handjobs in Miami. You don't need a white lab coat. Just log on to worldsexguide.com, an online forum for degenerates worldwide.

It's like turning over the biggest rock in South Florida. Under it you will find about a half-dozen sex addicts who, for the past four years, have maintained a sort of emoticon-filled Charles Bukowski-inspired log of their whorin' lives.

At the helm of the Magic City forum is Glenn61, a North Miami Beach man dedicated to shepherding dirty old men toward the town's best cheap street whores (SWs). He writes with the removed authority of a consumer advocate -- albeit one who can barely spell. "If a SW has all the agreed-upon money before delivering any service," he wrote in February 2005, "you have zero leverage to negotiate for service after that, outside your natural charm."

Over the years, Glenn61 has provided countless tidbits of advice, and there is no shortage of appreciation. A St. Augustine man known as rubguy2147 wrote, "It's guys like you that make guys like me ... well, proud to be a man. Please keep up the good work, and thanks for sharing your info with the rest of us!! :)"

Whore trollers were crestfallen when, in August 2005, Glenn61 nearly left them: "Greetings, fellow mongers," he wrote. "This will be my final post as I'm set to start a new chapter in my life, I found a great girlfriend and will be changing jobs in the near future to accommodate her with more free time for us."

But this past April, Glenn61 returned to the fray, bringing joy to the heart of every whore hound in Miami. No word on the girlfriend. -- Calvin Godfrey

Scammy Manny
Filed under: News

Prominent Coral Gables real estate attorney Manuel Arvesu is going into a new profession. Arvesu, ex-husband of Telemundo host Mara Celeste Arrars, agreed this past April to give up his license to practice law. The Florida Bar had suspended Arvesu following an investigation last year that found he'd used funds from his clients' real estate transactions for personal expenses, including two luxury cars, jewelry, and electronic entertainment gadgets. In addition, Arvesu's title company, Florida Title & Escrow, is being investigated by the Florida Department of Financial Services. "Manny decided it was too expensive to hire a forensic team to challenge the bar's findings," Arvesu spokesman J.P. Bender said. "He has signed on as a consultant for two Caribbean companies."

Arvesu's troubles began in December 2003, when real estate investor Michael Aliberti sold his units at 24 and 30 Sidonia Ave. to Waldo Toyos III, whom Arvesu represented, for $156,000. Rather than immediately paying off Aliberti's mortgage with proceeds from the sale upon closing, Arvesu's Florida Title & Escrow did not notify mortgage lender Wells Fargo of the sale, and made monthly payments from January 2004 through July 2004 that were less than the required amount.

Aliberti didn't find out until February 2005, when he faced foreclosure: Wells Fargo said he was $64,235 past due in mortgage payments on the property, according to bar and court documents.

Eight months later, Florida Title & Escrow paid off the mortgage. Aliberti said it severely damaged his credit and made him liable for municipal fines and potential litigation from residents injured on the property. In addition to suing Arvesu, Aliberti reported the Coral Gables lawyer to the Florida Bar, the state financial services department, and the Miami-Dade State Attorney's Office, which declined to comment.

"He needs to be stopped from perpetuating scams," Aliberti said recently. "He needs to be penalized." -- Francisco Alvarado

Anal Attentive
Filed under: Flotsam

On a small white shelf at the South Beach Body Waxing salon on Washington Avenue, America's latest beauty must-have sits sandwiched between tubes of French "pleasure-enhancement gel" and a row of fruity lotions: anal bleaching cream. The bleaching of the bunghole, people, is no urban legend; nor is it solely for porn stars readying for a spanking closeup. You, too, can make your wink pink; all it takes is $50 and daily applications of South Beach Skim Solution's "lightening gel for sensitive areas."

Its creator, Miami Beach resident William Kercher, launched the cream about nine months ago, after spending a year perfecting the recipe. "People thought I was out of my mind," says Kercher. "But I knew there was a market out there."

He now sells his product online and in twenty salons around the world. Although Kercher refuses to say how much he has made from sales, he claims his posterior product has become a viable business and his sole source of income.

And he has his mom to thank: "I tested out all the prototypes on her -- she was my guinea pig," he says. "Moms will do things for you no one else will!" -- Joanne Green

Ript from the Blogs
Show Us the Money!
Where did the Miami-Dade tax money go during the boom? For starters: The terminal at Miami-Dade Airport is now $1,000,000,000 over budget. That is great management, don't you think? The performing arts center just got $4,000,000 more to add to their $217,000,000 over budget. The county is spending $130 million for furniture. The county wasted at least $12,000,000 on affordable housing ("House of Lies"). The police are $7,000,000 over budget. That is $1,370,000,000 with just these few things. I didn't even touch on the seaport.
By Geniusofdespair, at Eye on Miami (eyeonmiami.blogspot.com)