Program Notes

I try to avoid using this space to plug myself (do too) and last week was a refreshing reminder why. Under the sadly mistaken impression that I could get a life, and caught up in the be-nice spirit of Chanukah et al., I hyped two events -- "I'll be there" -- and then didn't bother to show up. I had been through both -- the World's Largest Office Party benefit and Stu Goldstein's radio show -- before, enjoyed both immensely, and greatly looked forward to repeating. I'm sorry, and I also apologize.

So who's fucking who? One of the coolest cuts, musically, from the 2 Live Crew's latest album is titled "Who's [email protected]#king Who." With delicious R&B grooves behind them, the Crew rap hard about the importance of protection during sex, as well as the dangers of blood transfusion and intravenous-drug abuse. Coming from experts, the sentiment is powerful: "Getting pussy's like Death Wish II/You got to know who's fucking who," and "Sex is alive in both young and old/

But a lack of education leaves us in the cold." Sound a lot like what Earvin "Magic" Johnson's been saying lately? Well, people like Magic Man and the 2 Live Crew must be stopped. Thanks to instigation by the Worm, the NBA has decided to crack down on half the problem. The pro-basketball league has forced the recall of Sports Weekend because the Crew is wearing Miami Heat gear on the album cover without permission. I love the Game dearly, but the NBA and the Miami Heat can go suck a stump.

Check it out: Swyambu brings its big, raucous, crazy -- okay, yes, psycho-delic -- sound to Washington Square tonight. Based on their demo, I highly recommend Swyambu. I'll certainly be there. The Nightstalkers celebrate with an album-release party/jam/concert for Movin' Through the Shadows at Tobacco Road Friday and Saturday. I've heard the CD -- full of blistering ax and get-up, get-down blues -- and suggest you hit the Road this weekend. I'll definitely be there. Charlie Pickett returns for a show also starring the Goods and the Whig Party at Churchill's Hideaway on Saturday. I'll surely be there.

A&R scout Melissa Taylor would like to sign your band to Capitol Records. Send your demo to PO Box 800313, Miami, 33280-0313. I'll probably be there.

Heard on the sound system at
Hooters: "He Hit Me (And It Felt Like a Kiss)" by the Crystals. No doubt it's a great old song, and it would have been a hit in its day, except radio rejected it. The reason: The song is about a woman who cheats on her man, so he bashes the hell out of her, and she's forever grateful to him for showing his affection through criminal physical abuse. Hearing all this in the surreal beer/tits environment that is Hooters is an experience everyone should go through once. I'm no feminist, nor apologist; I've always treated people as best I could, and, as a male, the only question I've ever asked about Woman is whether she's equal or superior. While we're on the subject, the Miami Herald recently published an article about a book that excerpts male quotes seen by the book's author as misogynistic. At least some of these quotes are taken way out of context, some are misunderstood, and some are, yes, extremely ignorant babble. What bugged me most was the accusation that Shakespeare (the pen name of the 17th Earl of Oxford, Edward de Vere, also known as Lord Bulbeck) was sexist. Read The Comedy of Errors one time, and tell me he wasn't a seminal feminist.

Censorship notes, cont.: Warner Bros. says the major video outlets have banned Biz Markie's "Toilet Stool Rap." Record stores in Illinois are pulling Sports Weekend at the request of police, according to Herald wire services. President David Duke has changed America's paper currency to read "In Hitler We Trust."

Butthorn of the week: The Button South for its "no readmittance" policy. You go in, you can't go out and come back in. That's pretty ridiculous for a comp guest, since if you aren't there, you would be let in, so if you leave and aren't there, you...oh, never mind. The point is, locking hundreds of sweaty people in a smoky room with music loud enough to cause physical damage and allowing them no respite is intolerable and unacceptable. Risk management be damned.

The media circus: In the syndicated column by Robin Adams Sloan in the Sun-Sentinel there was an item not long ago about whether Pee-wee Herman's career might be boosted by his arrest in Sarasota. Sloan indicated it just might, and added, "It may be wacky....