Program Notes

Pandisc prez Bo Crane knows the music biz. Bo knows hit records. And boy does Bo know how to toss a pah-tay. It's not Bo's fault, either, that "Swelter" wasn't around to chronicle these fine adventures, although a crew from Wire brushed in, then ran screaming out the door after it was suggested they might want to photograph New Times' notorious Jim DeFede, cracked reporter and South Beach nightlife fixture. Nor was it Bo's fault that the great Blowfly failed to show up ("He knew about this weeks ago," boss Bo said during the affair). Plenty of other legends were on hand, including Henry Stone, Bo's old mentor and one of the architects of the modern music business. Crane tossed the soiree to celebrate his new digs in South Beach, where the hip-hop oriented label relocated recently from North Miami Beach. Miami's DJ Laz and Tampa's DJ Freaky Fred battled for best jacket, but a really nice guy whose name I forgot to write down won with a quilted UM thigh-length he says he bought at Flea Market USA. The hired cops forgave my drug-reference indiscretions. But the highlight was constant and overflowing -- catering by Senter & Chess that wouldn't quit. Attractive, tuxed young people brought out tray after tray of tasty morsels (yes, including cheeseballs) and the beer was icy cold Tsing-Tao, Peroni, and Kronenbourg. This schmoozing stuff is all right. Hey, Tom Austin, any time you need a substitute....

"I love Dick," sings $andy Kane lustily, and one can only presume the D is capitalized. Erstwhile New Yawk comic Kane has set up sex shop in South Beach, where she's currently cutting a six-song Greatest Tits cassette at Chris Blackwell's place. The current cassingle is "I Love Dick" backed with "$ymphony 4 Dick." You know I'm a sucker for this stuff, so, while the tape is available all over the Beach and at Tracks, I'll suggest another marketing device to randy $andy: Send a copy to Neil Rogers. The music will grab him, the song is not nearly as "dirty" as standards-and-practices might assume, and Neilo is going to grow tired of talking about the Fish and disco sooner or later. After that, Ms. Kane, show us your live show.

This column might not have many readers, but they're definitely the best. Word: Just last week we tossed out a line for an old live tape of the Front at 27 Birds. Orestes "O.D." Dominguez called minutes later to offer us a dub of the show, which took place September 6, 1982.

Short report: WMBM is happening. There's the Music Is Medicine music show (where Blowfly was a guest recently), Silly Jilly (that's your dis, miss) Tracey's Morning Madness, et, so choose freedom and check it out at 1490 AM. Rooster Head has been killed by santeros, wait, that's not right -- the Head plays Squeeze with the critically unacceptable Forget the Name on Sunday. The Edge has just begun staging local acts on Friday nights, giving the bands a chance to play before enormous audiences, some members of which might even pay attention. An evening with Mary Karlzen and friends Diane Ward, Vesper Sparrow, Mark Scandariato, Jim Baumann, and Jonelle happens next Tuesday at Stephen Talkhouse, free.

TV tip: Legendary radio comedy troupe Pandemonium appears on Iris Acker's On Stage on Channel 17 Friday at 8:30 p.m. with rebroadcasts Saturday at 5:00 p.m. and January 1 at 11:00 p.m. It'll be funny.

Just-married (congrats) Charlie Pickett will jam at Churchill's Hideaway next Wednesday, the 30th, so all you hotshots should bring your gits and gear, and the rest of us will be there to hear.

Without getting into the soap opera, let's just note that Kilmo and the Killers are returning for shows Saturday and January 9 at the Inn Field Pub in Sunrise, January 1 and 2 at Grandstands in North Lauderdale, and January 8 at Rosey Baby in Tamarac.

So, okay, have your lame self a merry freakin' Xmas, but I ain't having any part of this b.s. about love the world only one week a year, even if Fink Boy says my religious evaluations and presumptive philosophical meanderings are invalid as a vegetable:

1) The Blarney Stone in Homestead is a blues stronghold, a nice place run by decent folk. It was hit hard by a hurricane. And now the owners are losing their lease. But the Blarney managers aren't crying in their beers and singing the blues. They're staging the biggest blues party ever, February 5-7, featuring Mr. Twister, Cumin Around, Big Bob and the Blue Tornados, Good Rockin' Johnny and the Wiseguys, D.C. Blues, Electric Fred and the Head First Rhythm Section, the Bounty Hunter Band, the Fabulous Fleetwoods, Fleet Starbuck, Jimmy Hawkins and the Cylcones, Super Dave, Triple Threat, Little Sister Cathy, Iko-Iko, Killer Keith Whalen, Jimmy "Catfish" Hunter, Buddy Miles, Big Art and Wendy Pederson, the Breeze, Kilmo and the Killers, Southern Reach, Roach Thompson Blues Band, Whiskey on Ice, and others yet to be confirmed. All are volunteering their talents. They'll play on two stages, inside and outside, around the clock. There'll be other diversions, too. The idea is to raise some money so the Blarney can reopen in a new building. The Blarney has always supported charities and the community. Time for a pay-ya-back.

2) Wa is Cali St. John's band. "Nature's Turn to Play" is his song, his project, his effort to help the victims of Hurricane Andrew. But he's sharing all the credit. And credit's due -- the song kicks. Little wonder, with the caliber of players: Wa's world-class guitarist Dane Bryant, session-whiz guitarist Bryan Le Mar, current Itch and former Pat Travers drummer Keith Cronin, his ol' pal Peter "Mars" Cowling (bass), and a twelve-voice choir (double tracked) from Unity the Mission, led by Christopher Sims. Bryan Norcross adds a spoken-word bit that's perfect. "And engineer Chris Rutherford," says St. John, "really sweated blood to do this. He was the guy who came in at all hours, a guy who normally gets like $100 an hour, who really went out of his way to make this happen." Three studios -- Outline, Criteria, and Studio Center West -- donated the time. The result of all this is a solid rocker immaculately concepted and executed. The cassette single, priced at $6, will be available soon. The Marine Corps Toys for Tots program, which is concentrating on the children of South Dade this year, will be the beneficiary of all proceeds. You'll like the song, I'm certain. The kids'll like the toys, I imagine.

3) XSF is saying thank you to their fans with a show Saturday at the renovated Plus Five in Davie, with Love Canal sharing the bill.

4) The New Jersey-based guitar duo of Newman and Oltman, a veteran husband and wife team, plays live on Sunday at 7:30 p.m. at the Christ Lutheran Church (1955 E. Oakland Park Blvd.; 564-7673). Your $10 goes to hurricane victims. Laura Oltman is from Fort Lauderdale, where she first studied classical guitar with Luisa Sanchez de Fuentes. Her family still lives down here. She (and husband Michael) want to give something back to this area.

5) You.
Butthorn of the week: Santa Claus. Don't exist.