Shoot that Poison Arrow

The red and flowery holiday about love is upon us, and whether you're the type who passes out homemade construction paper tokens of affection or someone who prefers to stay in bed watching the Westminster Kennel Club's annual dog show to avoid dodging flower delivery vans all day, you should break out of that heart-shaped box and do something new. Because Valentine's Day falls on a Monday this year (and no, you don't get the day off unless you call in sick, so start practicing fake coughing if that's your plan), there's a bevy of Valentine-inspired activities planned for the entire weekend. Call your dog, your buds, your children, or your lover(s), and try out one of these activities:

Do you have a funny story about how you met your significant other? Well, if it's not humorous now, it will be after the improvisational cast of Just the Funny spins the tale into their Saturday night show during "How We First Met" at the Miami Museum of Science (3280 S. Miami Ave.). Shows start at 9:00 and 11:00. Tickets cost ten dollars. Call 305-693-8669.

You've probably seen dogs do it, possibly pigeons, but if you're curious about how elephants and dolphins do the deed, check out Miami Metrozoo's (12400 SW 152nd St.) annual "Sex and the Animals" graphic slide show Saturday night at 7:30. Admission is $15. Call 305-255-5551.

If you don't think the zoo is a good place to pick up new moves for the bedroom (or the back seat of your Kia), maybe "The Seven Skills of Exceptional Sexual Relationships" will put some sizzle between your satin sheets. This one-day seminar with Tao Semko and Santiago Dobles of is Saturday from 9:30 to 6:30 at the Fairfield Inn (4101 Collins Ave., Miami Beach). Admission is $150 for singles; $250 for couples. Call 305-720-3028.

Nature lovers can take a peaceful paddle to Coral Reef Park on Sunday from 2:00 to 5:00 at Bill Sadowski Park (17555 SW 79th Ave., Palmetto Bay). Pack a picnic and a disposable waterproof camera to document wildlife spottings and your leisurely sail into the sunset. The cost is $25 for adults; $15 for children fourteen and under. Call 305-365-3018.

Dogs love to party. Just bring your pup to the next house party you're invited to and see how much he enjoys putting his paws all over the buffet table. Better yet, the Humane Society of Greater Miami is having a Doggie Brunch for you and your furry valentine at the Surf Club (9011 Collins Ave., Surfside) Sunday morning at 11:00. Tickets cost $75 for humans; dogs enter free. Call 305-696-0800 ext. 114.

If you're unattached and hungry, throw together a meat-free casserole for the Vegetarian Singles Club potluck luncheon on Sunday at 1:00 at the Skylake Recreation Building (18654 NE Eighteenth Ave., North Miami Beach). A special prize will be awarded to the best raw vegan dish. Call 305-949-0950 to RSVP.