One, you could simply not live in an apartment complex.
Or two, in the case of Miami Beach's Erik Agazim, you could allegedly strap a tactical vest to your chest, buckle on a Kevlar helmet, grab your long rifle and machete sitting around, and hack down fire alarms in your Sunset Harbour building.
Both of those extremely reasonable options would, indeed, take care of any pesky fire alarms. But for some reason, the latter choice attracted the attention of local authorities. According to police reports first reported by the Miami Herald, the 40-year-old Agazim was arrested September 22 after Miami Beach cops watched footage of his rampage from a week earlier.
According to cops, the fire-alarm system at his Purdy Avenue apartment complex began blaring during Hurricane Irma. Police say Agazim's response was to attack the alarm system as if it were a trap set by the Viet Cong.
"There are several instances when residents of Sunset Harbour encountered the defendant holding these weapons," the police report reads. "Additionally, the defendant was wearing a tactical vest and a Kevlar helmet with a flashing light."
The rest of the police report reads like a scene from the lamest action
He's charged with 11 felony counts of destroying a fire-prevention device, one count of alleged criminal mischief, and a misdemeanor count of openly carrying a weapon. The rampage allegedly cost $3,850 in damage.
Naturally, Agazim works with weapons. He actually deals guns to police. According to state records, he runs the Miami Beach company National Police Equipment Exchange. His website sells, among other items, lead-free zinc bullets, which are claimed to be "healthier" than regular lead bullets. If Agazim is convicted of the felony charges, he must turn over any guns he owns personally.
New Times has reported on Agazim previously: In 2016, when the immigrant-libeling presidential candidate Donald Trump was still widely shunned in multicultural Miami, Agazim was one of the largest early grassroots donors to Trump's campaign, giving $2,700, because of course he did.
According to the Herald, Agazim is pleading not guilty to the whole affair. He claims there's no way he destroyed 11 full alarms and says the entire thing was just a very normal response to a disagreement between neighbors.
“The root of this dispute is his neighbors don’t like him and want him out of the building,” Agazim's lawyer, Sam Rabin, told the daily. “I don’t know why.”
