Dwayne "the Rock" Johnson and his hit series Ballers is back for its second season this Sunday night at 10 p.m., and you know what that means: more of HBO showing you what peak Miami looks like. Ballers is so very Miami. It's so Miami, even Miami itself thinks it's over-the-top — and that's the appeal. For those of us who rarely get to ride around on yachts, party at the Fontainebleau, or lounge poolside at the W, it's inside-joke hilarious.
So what sides of Miami will we see from Ballers in Season 2? We can practically predict the backdrops. Here are some educated guesses at what ridiculousness is headed to our TV screens this summer.
1. Intracoastal scenes. All of the Intracoastal scenes.
Once upon a time, South Beach was the trendy backdrop for scenes on television and in movies. But these days, Intracoastal Waterway scenes are what's cool. Ballers takes this next-level; no episode is complete without calm Intracoastal waters as a backdrop. Everyone is either just getting off a boat, in the car on their way to a boat, about to board a boat, or simply partying on a parked boat. There is rarely an in-between.
2. Tense business meetings at fashionable Miami brunch spots.
If there is one thing we've learned from Ballers, it's that nobody in the one percent does any work in an actual office. Everyone is perpetually meeting at a restaurant where we assume food is eventually served. (In the scenes we see, it has yet to arrive.) Dwayne Johnson's character is always on the go. He's either on his way to a hip Miami spot with outdoor seating, or he's talking to someone on the phone who is already there. People are drinking during the day, and everyone is beautiful. It's basically Miami as imagined by your relatives in Nebraska.
3. Miami Dolphins players will make cameos.
Well, obviously. Ballers is a show based in Miami that revolves around an ex-Miami Dolphins player turned superagent, so of course there will be current Dolphins players on the show. The script for these athletes mirrors the cameos in Entourage: Famous person enters, smiles, is spoken to, and then leaves. This season, it looks like Dolphins defensive lineman Ndamukong Suh is set to make an appearance — and by that we mean say a handful of lines and otherwise just stand there and be famous.
4. The Rock, thinking about stuff.
Look for this when you watch Ballers this Sunday: Johnson looks off into the distance and takes a noticeable and audible "well, that happened" deep breath; then the camera pans back slowly, revealing an amazing piece of Miami scenery. It's the stacking of beautiful things on top of beautiful things that makes Ballers Miami eye candy. We're glad there are no commercials on HBO, but we do appreciate these tiny breaks in the action in which Johnson is left contemplating how his awesomeness will overcome his newest problem.
5. Fast cars in fancy places
The only place in Ballers where you might find a beat-up 2002 Toyota Corolla like the one you drive will be in scenes where said Corolla is inexplicably and unrealistically launched into a body of water after a high-speed chase. Otherwise, it's Floyd Mayweather's garage out there. Cool Cars Pulling Up Into Cool Places Where Beautiful People Are Doing Cool Things was the original title of this show before test audiences decided it was too long. C'mon, HBO. At the very least, you could mix in a Honda Civic to make things more realistic.
We Believe Local Journalism is Critical to the Life of a City
Engaging with our readers is essential to Miami New Times's mission. Make a financial contribution or sign up for a newsletter, and help us keep telling Miami's stories with no paywalls.
Support Our Journalism
6. The character who reminds everyone of Dolphins wide receiver Jarvis Landry getting into trouble.
Denzel Washington's son John David Washington plays the role of Ricky, the cocky Miami Dolphins wide receiver who's always an inch from a South Beach shenanigans-related suspension. Ricky loves bling, women, and getting into trouble, which makes him the biggest Miami stereotype on the show. If Ricky were a real Dolphins player, he would be on TMZ every week. So, on second thought, maybe his character is more realistic that we first thought.