Cultural appropriation is serious business. But let's be real — it's completely acceptable March 17. Everyone is Irish when green beer is involved. There may not be much of a Dublin-born population in the Magic City, but given how much "Kiss Me I'm Irish" attire you'll see this Thursday, you'd think the locals had grown up on the Emerald Isle. Miami certainly knows how to celebrate all things Celtic.
Whether you're looking to get a little Irish in you — or just drink your body weight in Guinness — there are plenty of places to celebrate the culture of Bono and Brosnan.
Here are the ten best ways to celebrate St. Patrick's Day in Miami:
1. St. Paddy's Day Block Party at Mary Brickell Village
This annual ode to all things Irish is Miami's biggest holiday bash. Held in Mary Brickell Village, it's eight hours of DJs, entertainment, and all the outdoor bars you need to stay happily buzzed. Fado will open at 10 a.m. with a brunch menu and bloody marys, so you can eat, drink, and messily make out all day and night.
The party starts at 6 p.m. at Fado Irish Pub, 900 South Miami Ave., Miami, Thursday, March 17. Festival tickets cost $10 each. Visit fadoirishpub.com/miami/st-patricks-day.
2. John Martin's St. Patrick's Day Party
Spend your Paddy's Day in the Gables with this holiday tradition that dates back decades. Don your best green gear and get ready for bagpipers, live tunes with Paddy Kelleghan, a DJ, baby Guinness shots, and everything else you might need for the ultimate Irish party.
The event starts at 11:30 a.m. Thursday, March 17, at John Martin's, 253 Miracle Mile, Coral Gables. Admission is free. Visit johnmartins.com.
3. Irish Times Block Party
If you want an actual Irish experience, this is where it's at. This authentic South Miami spot will ring in the crazy day with a block party. There will be three live bands, local DJs, bangers 'n' mash, giveaways, and plenty of other entertainment.
The party starts at 5 p.m. Thursday, March 17, at Irish Times, 5850 Sunset Dr., South Miami. Admission is free. Visit Facebook.com/IrishTimesMIA.
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4. Grub and Pub St. Patrick's Day Pub Crawl
Who wants to stay put in one spot on St. Paddy's? So many parties, so little time. With the Keep Crawling holiday hop, you can bounce from one place to another. Attendees are asked to wear green and be ready to dance a jig when asked. A general-admission ticket will score you two beers, two shots, and, even more important, beads.
The crawl starts at 6 p.m. at Batch Gastropub, 30 SW 12th St., Miami, Thursday, March 17. Tickets cost $30 for general admission and $50 for VIP. Visit Eventbrite.com to purchase tickets.
5. St. Patrick's Day Yacht Cruise
Nothing says Paddy's party, Miami-style, like drinking Jameson aboard a megayacht. Expect Irish grub, a cash bar, a DJ spinning Irish tunes, and the city's best views — even if it's too dark to see them.
The cruise has two options: The first launches at 9:30 p.m. Thursday, March 17; the second one sets sail midnight Friday, March 18, at 4121 Indian Creek Dr., Miami Beach. Tickets cost $15. Visit Eventbrite.com to purchase tickets.
6. St. Pat's Wynwood Bash
If you're looking for some artsy action, make your way to Wynwood for a free street party in honor of St. Pat. Listen to tunes by local DJs, drink green beer, gawk at street art, and meet all kinds of out-of-towners who are in Miami for music week.
The party starts at 2 p.m. at MANA Wynwood, 2250 NW Fifth Ave., Thursday, March 17. Admission is free.
7. Brick House St. Patrick's Day Celebration
Wynwood's beer garden is going green for the Gaelic holiday. One general admission ticket will score you a green beer and green beads. VIP includes a beer boot, among other things. In addition to social lubricants, attendees will enjoy music, mingling, and more.
The event starts at 7 p.m. at Brick House, 187 NW 28th St., Thursday, March 17. Tickets cost $16 for general admission, $40 for VIP. Visit Eventbrite.com to purchase tickets.
8. Fritz & Frans Block Party
Sure, technically Fritz & Frans is a German eatery — but, like the rest of us, it's totally onboard with an annual celebration of Irish culture. In fact, the spirited spot will host Irish-German band ANT for live tunes. And if you're totally over Guinness, the bar has a selection of more than 20 German and Austrian brews.
The party starts at 4 p.m. at Fritz & Frans Bierhaus, 60 Merrick Way, Coral Gables, Thursday, March 17. Admission is free. Visit facebook.com/fritzandfranzbierhaus.
9. Happy Hour at Books & Books
If you're looking for something a little more low-key, hit up Miami's hottest bookstore. The Coral Gables location of the independent bookery will offer Irish lunch and dinner specials, $5 local beers, live music by Daryl Nutter, and all the books you could possibly want. Now is your chance to brush up on Irish authors.
Happy hour starts at 4:30 p.m. at Books & Books, 265 Aragon Ave., Coral Gables, Thursday, March, 17. Admission is free. Visit BooksandBooks.com.
10. St. Paddy's Comedy Showcase
If you want to extend your Paddy party into the weekend, get in on some comedy gold. This showcase features more than 20 fan favorites from the Brickell and Wynwood Comedy Festivals, so it's a curated mix. Plus, a portion of the proceeds from every ticket will benefit the Miami Lighthouse for the Blind.
The show starts at 9 p.m. at Flamingo Theater (inside the Four Ambassadors Hotel), 905 Brickell Bay Dr., Miami, Saturday, March 19. Tickets cost $20 for general admission, $30 at the door, and $15 for students and groups of ten or more. Visit Eventbrite.com to purchase.