For those of you who are unfamiliar with Festivus For The Rest of Us view the video above for a three-minute primer on the fastest growing holiday in the Western Hemisphere.
Holiday season 2009 is set to be a record-breaking year for American households celebrating Festivus. That being said, though most Festivus celebrants are familiar with the Airing Of Grievances and The Feats Of Strength, most are unaware of the food traditions of Festivus.
Here are our top 10 Festivus foods for your Festivus party.
10. Pizza, Chinese and Indian Takeout
Between all the preparations of finding a pole to decorate, and working out your muscles for the Feats of Strength, you may be too tired to cook. Festivus law holds forth that take-out Chinese, Indian food, and pizza are all celebrated foodstuffs for the holiday.
9. Bagel Bites
Nothing says Festivus like the original kosher mini pizza bagel. Stock up on a few cases of Macababies mini bagel pizzas and your guests will be begging for the microwave recipe.
8. Sardines and Pork Rinds
The Ode To That Which Many Do Not Understand is integral to the Festivus celebration. The traditional meal of sardines and pork rinds otherwise known as Sarpuerco is monumentally important to true Festivus adherents and may not appeal to bandwagon Festivians.
7. Scotch Whisky
Does any greater understanding of Festivus exist in the world than that which is produced by the heavy consumption of fine Scotch Whisky? No. Get you some.
6. Nacho Cheese
Despite what the picture above may have you believe, it is Festivus tradition to place the chips at least 3 feet away from the cheese. Then, when somebody asks what it is, you say "It's not yo cheese." If they eat it anyway you get to hit them with a broom handle.
5. Pickled Eggs
Some people spend the Festivus season alone, getting high, and making indie music into a tape recorder while their cat looks at them like a loser, and they take pictures with their camera's self timer. It's ok. Celebrate with some pickled eggs.
4. Eat Your Own Adventure
Be yourself, think for yourself, eat yourself.
3. Something in the Bathroom
If you haven't taken table in the bathroom, you haven't done Festivus. Bonus fart points.
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2. Shirtless Lemon Pies
Festivus tradition says shirtless lemon pies. That goes for everybody. Especially that girl with the big boobs. Hey, we don't make the rules.