Jeffrey Loria hasn't opened his mouth much after he turned the Miami Marlins into a Triple-A team last night, and when he has, it's like an entire bag of dicks fell out. He's stubbornly refusing to explain what the hell is actually going on with the Marlins, and just telling everyone to figure it out for themselves. Literally!
When approached in a hotel lobby by sports reporters during the owner's meeting in Chicago today, he has remained tight-lipped.
"Not today, boys,'' Loria said according to Sports Illustrated. "If you haven't figured it out yet, I'm not going to figure it out for you.''
To CBS Sports, Loria offered this wisdom: "We finished in last place. Figure it out," Loria said.
This has led to some rampant speculation that Loria was clearing a ton of salary space to bring in current Yankee and Miami-native Alex Rodriguez, which of course makes no sense at all whatsoever except as the lamest, and most insulting PR move ever. Anyone else have any better theories?
We Believe Local Journalism is Critical to the Life of a City
Engaging with our readers is essential to Miami New Times's mission. Make a financial contribution or sign up for a newsletter, and help us keep telling Miami's stories with no paywalls.
Support Our Journalism
Loria elaborated somewhat to CBS Sports as to what exactly it is we all are supposed to figure out.
"We have to get better," he said. "We can't finish in last place. We finished in last place. That's unacceptable. We have to take a new course."
Though, when asked whether he plans to sell the team he issued a terse, "Absolutely not."