If Dante were to restage his Divine Comedy in the Magic City, his seven levels of hell would begin in the bleachers at a Miami Heat home game before descending into a hotel hot tub with George Rekers.
But no trip to the underworld would be complete without a hellish holiday season layover in Miami International Airport.
For the second year running, The Daily Beast has ranked MIA the second worst major airport in the U.S. Keep reading to find out why.
The website ranked 27 large U.S. airports according to seven criteria: on-time departures & arrivals, holiday performance, security area wait time, tarmac delays, flight-related accidents, and general amenities
Miami came in next-to-last, just ahead of Newark Liberty International Airport (EWR), also known as New Yorker's airport of last resort.
Here are MIA's results, according to The Daily Beast.
2010 rank: 26th
2009 rank: 26th
On-time departures 2010: 74%
On-time arrivals 2010: 77%
On-time holiday departures: 75%
On-time holiday arrivals: 73%
Average security wait time: 13 minutes
Tarmac nightmares: 12th out of 27
Safety: 19th out of 27
Amenities: 24th out of 27
The top five major airports in the U.S. are:
1. Phoenix Sky Harbor International Airport (PHX)
2. Seattle-Tacoma International Airport (SEA)
3. Cincinnati/Northern Kentucky International Airport (CVG)
4. Los Angeles Airport (LAX)
5. Orlando International Airport (MCO)
Orlando? That hurts.
Then again, as we've proposed before, maybe Miami just needs to embrace its sulfurous side. If only The Daily Beast took into account the number of rats in the parking lot or homeless cabbies circling the airport. Then we'd definitely rank as the most hellish airport in the country.
Maybe next year.