Yesterday afternoon, President Obama gazed out over Alonzo Mourning's yard in Coral Gables, past the brightly painted garden gnomes, and said to himself: What the fuck are giant weather balloons doing here?
At least that was the plan drawn up by GetEQUAL, a gay-rights group upset with Obama over his failure to overturn the U.S. military's Don't Ask, Don't Tell policy. You might be asking yourself: But hasn't Obama already promised to repeal the policy? Why yes, yes he has.
So in honor of GetEQUAL's "Air, Land & Sea" Protest, we've put together a list of the five lamest anti-Obama protests.
Rule #1 of protesting is to actually do it near the object of your hatred. Sadly, a poster of Obama on the telephone doesn't quite cut it. Nor does a sign reading, "Obama, Israel is not ketchup, so don't squeeze." Obviously, Israelis have a long way to go before reaching the bigotry big leagues here in the U.S.
4. Man brings assault rifle to a rally:
Nothing says "civic duty" like bringing your assault rifle to a protest rally full of overexcited wackos. Wait, did we say, "civic duty"? Sorry, we meant "being an asshole."
There's really nothing more to say about this one. The sheer stupidity required to mix up the name for followers of the world's second most popular religion with a type of French fabric is punishment enough.
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2. CODEPINK gets naked over offshore drilling:
Like GetEQUAL, CODEPINK proves you don't have to be conservative to jump the shark. The progressive women's group organized a naked protest outside British Petroleum's U.S. headquarters following the Deepwater Horizon oil spill in the Gulf. CODEPINK was also protesting offshore drilling, which Obama supported before the disaster.
1. Tea Baggers:
In the end, no one beats the tea baggers at their own game. Take this guy, for instance. Remember him? Of course you do. So does every other person with a TV set. This poor excuse for a giant traffic cone is the new face of America, baby! Maybe it's worth voting Republican this fall just so he will go away. Then again, probably not.