In my quest to become the commissioner of Surfside--the beach hamlet just south of the haughty nihilist province known as Bal Harbour-- I've run into a problem: A lot of the older residents don't want to open the door for me. Maybe it's only because I'm a relatively young man. Maybe it's the sparse creepiness of my election beard. My solution: Carry an oversized check and balloons, sweepstakes style.
It worked. Everybody opened their doors for me on Friday-- except for my opponent Michelle Kligman, who I hoped to challenge to a debate. In a long afternoon of campaigning, I interviewed a tiny dog. A barber offered his vote if I got a haircut. (I turned him down, people.) And I walked out of the ocean completely dry.
Campaign videographer Jacob Katel caught the entire spectacle. Remember, Surfside residents: vote May 1. Vote for awesomeness.