Last year, Marlins shortstop Hanley Ramirez won the National League batting title, so this past Saturday, team owner Jeffrey Loria gave him a pendant spelling out his batting average -- .342 -- in 394 diamonds, with a big teal diamond for the decimal point. Hanley then nearly choked on a chocolate-dipped strawberry as he ran circles around their picnic blanket, squealing and preening.
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Five thousand fans will win a cubic zirconia version of the pendant during the Marlins' home opener April 9. Although we do want one, it seems a little strange to walk around with a blinged-out homage to somebody else's accomplishment, so if anybody asks, ".342" represents something we did -- like, say, our BAC on our 18th birthday.