A Stadiums Worth of Landshark Lager Would Not Numb The Pain Caused By Father Cutié

Shocking horrible news this week that is tearing apart Miami at it's very seems: a grown man touched a lady once, and it was photographed! The horror! Not just any man of course, but a celebrity priest. First, a Mexican tabloid released photos of Father Cutié frolicking on a beach...

By Kyle Munzenrieder

May 8, 2009

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Shocking horrible news this week that is tearing apart Miami at it's very seems: a grown man touched a lady once, and it was photographed! The horror! Not just any man of course, but a celebrity priest. First, a Mexican tabloid released photos of Father Cutié frolicking on a beach with a lady. Within the day he had resigned. People literally got into fist fights over whether or not the Catholic Church should still enforce clerical celibacy, but I thought people should also get into fist fights over ordaining woman and recognizing homosexuality as something other than a sin. Then, for whatever reason, the lady's address was printed in the newspaper. Cutié, meanwhile, will give his first TV interview about the incident to an ol' family friend on Monday.
Then there was the real travesty this week: Landshark Stadium. There's a horrible logo, and horrible plans for a themed stadium in the works. Curse you Jimmy Buffet.
Speaking of the destructive powers of soft rock, Lt. Gov. Kottkamp is glad you picked up the cost for his travel to a Kenny Loggins concert.
Manny Ramirez was suspended for 50 games, which eased the pain of the Marlins not signing him. Of course, he probably got the drugs from a Miami doctor. Jose Conseco may no more, but no one cares.
Speaking of things no one cares about anymore, we finally have two confirmed cases of swine flu in Miami-Dade.
Jackson Memorial will put your mentally ill children in shackles, but you can always suit them.
A male student at a Christian college was suspended for repeatedly taking it in the behind on camera, occasionally in Miami. While another porn star got in a fight with Howard Stern.
Unfortunately for our porn stars, another type of butt injection is in right now.
What I say about Selena Robert's A-Rod book is very important.

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