We told you yesterday about the brouhaha over a flyer for what appeared to be an Exxxotica after-party featuring five not-very-famous NFL players at Club Play. The league is "investigating" a possible copyright infringement in the fact that the flyer used photos of the players in their team jerseys.
Last night at 9:52, we were emailed a press release from Randa Quraan, director of public relations and marketing for Club Play, which as we were reading it realized it was most likely the greatest -- and definitely the most Miami-tastic -- press release ever written.
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For that reason, we've decided to publish it in it's entirety, along with a few editor's notes of our own.
Club Play South Beach Defends Erroneous Accusations Involving NFL Players and Porn Stars
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
Club Play, South Beach, Florida- June 15, 2011: Club Play South Beach, one of the most successful nightclubs in the country and located on world famous South Beach, would like to set the record straight about the recent accusations that were made by the media, in which several stories have attempted to link together NFL players and Porn Stars. Club Play has become known as the hot spot for some of the biggest celebrities, entertainers and athletes in the world. In 2011, parties have been hosted by such celebrities as Chris Brown, Pitbull, Omega El Fuente, Rick Ross and have been attended by public figures including Sammy Sosa, Derrick Rose, Little Wayne [Eds. note: This may be the first time anybody's ever spelled out his whole name like that] and many more.
On May 20, 2011 Club Play South Beach was advertising multiple events including an NFL Takeover Affair, a T-Shirt companies' Release party as well as an Exxotica [Nope, but close] Expo 2011 kickoff party. The fact that the club has become a home away from home for many NFL players, Club Play will often invite these players to "host" a party when they come into town, meaning that they receive complimentary VIP service and can invite their friends and teammates to join them in celebrating their birthday or other special event. As a matter of fact, the entire "NFL Takeover" became a tag line for the club in sending a message to the public and the players that they are in support of the players during this time of uncertainly with the lockout. [You're not exactly Michael Moore supporting the Flint autoworkers. Also, the flyer says "Tits Official Miami Launch Party Hosted by NFL Stars & 2011 NFL Draftees". We're guessing Tits is the t-shirt company yes? We know you're about to say Tits had nothing to do with the NFL players, and we posit that, at least according to the flyer... Oh fuck it.]
Like many of their other Friday night parties, layering events is something that has become consistent, as athletes aren't the only ones who want to come through. [That sentence just blew our minds.] Businesses nationwide all want to bring their events to Club Play's very well established Friday night in order to get publicity for their cause, and promote their own brand. For example, on Friday June 17, 2011 Club Play will be holding the celebration for Miami Heat star Udonis Haslem's Birthday Affair (as the Heat were in the playoffs when his actual birthday came along [This is a detail that was probably unecessary for this press release]), and they are also celebrating Dimepiece Magazine's Five Year Anniversary Party and completely unrelated to the these, will be holding Young Chris's Mixtape Album Release Party [What is it with nightclub people and unnecessary capitalization?]. None of the events are affiliated with each other, although it is not impossible that some of the promoters will try to publish all events under one ad to attract a more diverse clientele. [How diverse are we talking. We mean either way, you can probably, like, rule out the opera crowd.]
That is exactly what happened with the May 20, 2011 event, as a promoter placed a single image that was sent by the Exottica [No! Why would you even think it was spelled like that?] event of a porn star alongside images of some of the players that were coming that night to further promote the fact that Club Play supports the NFL Players during the lockout. The General Manager of Club Play South Beach, Lia Ames, did indicate that the venue was investigating [How many people exactly are investigating this flyer?] why the player images that were sent to the promoter by a "publicist" for the players included images that clearly had a team's logo on them, but was much more concerned about why anyone would try to link these players with porn stars. "Club Play's image has always been squeaky clean and the fact that there are even NFL players who are involved as investors in the club should help to point out that there is obviously something very wrong with these accusations. We have created an environment where all people can come out and enjoy South Beach responsibly, and are extremely sensitive to our athlete and celebrity clients due to the fact that they are always going to be scrutinized much heavier by the public", says Lia Ames.
Ms. Ames went on to say "the involvement of Exottica in that night was their attempt to gain publicity for their showcase weekend and at no point was either party acting in conjunction with the other. The Exottica [Stop it!] event was at a South Beach convention center and had no portion of their event on Club Play premises and no endorsement or involvement was ever given or implied by any of the players who were listed as hosts."
The fact that Club Play is not the center of any investigation did not stop them from aggressively disputing the accusations that were made. "We care about all of our clients and especially those who have helped us to become so successful, and will do everything that we can to clear their names and make sure that the public in no way can misconstrue two completely separate events and make false accusations that these players would have anything to do with porn stars in any way" says General Manger, Lia Ames.
It bears repeating: Tits!