Every Friday, Riptide brings you the most eye-catching mugshots taken the previous week (or thereabouts) in Miami-Dade County. Yes, there is some mockery of bad neck tattoos, but also adulation directed at perps who just plain look more badass than we ever will. This is the italicized intro to that series. For mugshots from Broward and Palm Beach, check out The Pulp.
Arrested: 8/11
Charged with: Trespassing
I assume this guy had to opt for a public defender, mostly because he probably spent his hard-earned cash on that sweet-ass earring that looks like it's made of gumballs. And he even accessorized with what I hope is a candy necklace.
Arrested: 8/10
Charged with: Defrauding an innkeeper
Most of the featured future convicts here on Mugshots Friday aren't much for things like style or dignity or not looking like you've just huffed a gallon of paint. So (top) hats off to this guy, who proves that you can look classy while breaking the law. Not to mention that his charge makes it sound like he was arrested in 17th-century England.
Arrested: 8/10
Charged with: Shooting/throwing a deadly missile
If you've ever wondered what it would've been like if Vince Gilligan had cast Sam Elliott to star in Breaking Bad, wonder no more! Seriously though, this is the last face on earth I'd want to see hurling a deadly missile at me. I'm pretty sure this dude could tell you all your childhood fears within, like, a minute of meeting you.
Arrested: 8/11
Charged with: Battery, robbery
Hey pal! Why the long face? Is it because you're missing half of your tanktop? Well, it's time to turn that frown upside down, because I've got just the solution for you...
Arrested: 8/11
Charged with: Burglary, trespassing, drug paraphernalia possession
Meet your new buddy: Dude missing the other half of his tanktop! I think you guys are going to be fast friends.
Arrested: 8/11
Charged with: Armed robbery, kidnapping
Between the guy rocking the suit and this intriguing scarf/turtleneck combo, Mugshots Friday is all about high style this week.
Arrested: 8/11
Charged with: Trespassing
I think the cops accidentally arrested a Hummel figurine here. That or Norman Rockwell did this week's batch of mugshots.
Arrested: 8/12
Charged with: Battery
On the other hand, there are some people who don't handle their mugshots with nearly as much grace.
Arrested: 8/15
Charged with: Driving with a suspended license
Pop quiz: Is this man's off-putting smirk more reminiscent of a possessed child in a Satanic horror movie, or your cat after it's taken a crap in one of your shoes? Either way, don't stare at him for too long. There's something going on here that gives us the creeps.
Follow Miami New Times on Facebook and Twitter @MiamiNewTimes.
