The good news first: You won't have to watch Tim Tebow shake his bon-bon on TV this year. (Not until football season starts, anyway.)
The bad news: You will, however, be subjected to mediocre shimmying and shaking by a whole roster of D-list celebrities on Dancing With the Stars' new season, premiering March 19. The cast was announced just this morning, and it's the standard lineup: celebrities you kinda remember from that one thing they did, and people you've never heard of before in your life.
But the worst news is this: The only contestant with Miami ties, and therefore the only person we're required to root for, is William Levy, of JLo's "I'm Into You" video fame. It's gonna be hard to support him instead of Jaleel White, AKA Family Matters' Urkel, but we're going to do our best.
Check out the full list of cast members after the jump.
Gladys Knight
Oh, how the mighty have fallen. Knight will be ruining her "Empress of Soul" legacy by dancing with Tristan MacManus.
Melissa Gilbert
Remember Gilbert from Little House on the Prairie? Yeah, neither do we. She's dancing with Maksim Chmerkovskiy.
Jack Wagner
Our mom is gonna be so excited to watch Wagner take the stage with Anna Trebunskaya. (She knows him from her "stories.")
Gavin DeGraw
We don't wanna see anything other than what DeGraw's tryin'-a be lately. Which is a dancer, like partner Karina Smirnoff.
Donald Driver
Obligatory NFL player inclusion. Screw the Packers, and Peta Murgatroyd, too.
Roshon Fegan
We'd have been more excited if DWTS had paired Chelsie Hightower with the Male Selena Gomez instead.
Katherine Jenkins
Jenkins is a triple threat already: She's an opera singer, a pop star, and Welsh. She'll try adding ballroom dance to the list alongside Mark Ballas.
William Levy
Our man takes the floor with Cheryl Burke.
Maria Menounos
On the upside, she's hot. On the downside, we're almost certainly going to endure guest appearances by Mario Lopez between dances with Derek Hough.
Martina Navratilova
Obligatory lady athlete. We don't expect Navratilova, or her partner Tony Dovolani, to last long.
Sherri Sheperd
What, Whoopie wasn't available? Sheperd's dancing with Val Chmerkovskiy.
Jaleel White
Urkel FTW! Here's hoping Kym Johnson likes suspenders.
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