Like 11.5 million other viewers, last night we tuned in to NBC's Smash. It's not because we're huge fans of Glee, or even musical theater in general. We were just kinda curious. With so much hype, the show would either be amazing, or it would crash and burn. Either way, we'd enjoy watching it, right?
Wrong. So, so wrong.
We expected the stereotypical characters and the cheesy song-and-dance numbers. But we had no idea the show would so grossly misrepresent the woman who inspired it in the first place: Marilyn Monroe.
Watch the clip above, then tell us: Did NBC just metaphorically gang-bang Marilyn Monroe?
Look, we know Marilyn Monroe was sexy. Very sexy. She pushed the limits of acceptable sexual behavior way back when. You could argue that her whole career was based on her sex appeal. So yeah, a musical number filled with innuendo makes sense.
But part of the appeal she holds for many women today was the way she straddled (ahem) the line between sex appeal and elegance. If her stardom was based on her ass, at least it was a classy ass. This, on the other hand, is just vulgar. (And this is the New Times -- we don't throw that word around lightly.) She's thrusting; she's getting spanked; she's smiling knowingly as men thrust their crotches at her face. Did we miss the movie where Marilyn learns to back that thang up?
Far be it from us to discourage a good looking lady from dancing like a stripper. But when that lady claims to pay homage to the legendary Marilyn, maybe she should refrain from, say, giving a baseball bat a handjob. Just saying.
For reference, here's how the real Monroe handled a crowd of adoring men: