Today's magic word is: birthday.
But don't say it out loud, or everybody will scream. And not just because that's how things are done in Pee-wee's Playhouse. Paul Reubens, the actor, comedian, and onetime adult theater enthusiast who made Pee-wee Herman famous, turns 60 years old today.
That's right. Sixty. Pee-wee qualifies for AARP membership. Kinda makes you wonder what you've been doing with your life all these years, doesn't it?
Ponder that deep thought while you scroll through these other celebrities whose age will make you feel ancient. They can't all possibly be as old as they say they are, can they?
Danny Tamberelli, 30
Remember The Adventures of Pete and Pete? Tamberelli was Little Pete back when the show originally aired. Now, he's 30-Year-Old-Pete, also known as the Pete who sports douchey facial hair.
Ariana Richards, 33
The brave little blonde girl from Tremors and Jurassic Park -- both the original and its Lost World sequel -- is now in her mid-30s, all grown up and painting boring old person impressionist paintings in Oregon.
Gerard Parkes, 76
Y'know who's probably not dancing his cares away like it's Fraggle Rock? Gerard Parkes, who once starred on the show. Because he might break a hip or something.
Sonia Monzano, 62
Sesame Street's Maria's grown up on the show, from her teen years to her wedding to Luis, and now, having her own kid star alongside her. If we hear she's become a grandmother, we're just going to give up and start looking into dentures already.
Danica McKellar, 37
Winnie Cooper's a math nerd, y'all.
Lark Voorhies, 38
And Lisa Turtle's pushing 40. Hey, did you know she was once engaged to Martin Lawrence -- who's now almost 50?
Noah Hathaway, 40
But here's the one that'll really blow your mind. Recognize Mr. Hathaway? Not ringing a bell? What if you imagine him flying through the air on top of a magical luck dragon? Because that is the kid who played Atreyu in The Neverending Story, and he is 40 years old. We give up. Pass the prunes.
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