Sometimes, the world seems like a cruel and heartless place. Children go hungry. Natural disasters wreck entire cities. Madmen commit unspeakable violence. Who among us hasn't wondered why life is so unfair, why the universe seems out to punish us, what kind of a god would allow these things to happen?
And then something like Joe Francis' sex tape scandal comes along, and reminds us that sometimes, terrible people get what's coming to them.
It's been a crappy month for Francis already; in May, he was convicted of assaulting a woman in L.A. He later went on record with The Hollywood Reporter, calling members of the jury that convicted him "retarded" and saying that they "should be shot. Dead. By a firing squad."
And now TMZ reports that there's a sex tape featuring Francis and his ex-girlfriend Abbey Wilson that's "currently being shopped to various media outlets" -- and that Francis is doing everything in his power to keep it from going public.
Francis alleges that the footage was taken from Wilson's iPad, which he says was stolen out of her bag at LAX. And that's a sad story, if it's true.
But remember: this is a man who made his fortune by allegedly coercing young, drunk women to take their clothes off and do other things on camera that they'd later regret. This is a man who smugly revealed private details of his own sexual experiences with Real Housewives of Miami's Joanna Krupa on TV without her consent. (Krupa denies his claims.) And yes, this is a guy who allegedly bashed a girl's head against the tile floor of his home when she didn't respond to his advances.
This is a man who feels entitled to use women's sexuality to further his own desires, image, and career. And now someone has turned the tables, and will likely use intimate video of Francis to get paid.
In short: This is delightful.
God, if you're up there, thanks for this small, vengeful act of retribution. It means a lot. But you've still gotta knock off the storms and tornadoes and floods and mass shootings, okay? When a Joe Francis sex tape is our society's biggest reason to celebrate, you know things have gotten pretty low.
Follow Ciara LaVelle on Twitter @ciaralavelle.