First dates in Miami...
They can be the first encounter you have with Mr. or Mrs. Right (Now), the greatest romantic rendezvous you've had in a while till he asks you to spot him for dinner or she proclaims her unrequited love for you, or, more than likely, one of the most agonizing experiences ever.
And if you're like the artsy folks at Wynwood's Second Saturday Art Walk (and most of Miami's single population), the latter seems to be the more accurate of the bunch.
Here are Miami's six worst first dates, according to the hopeless romantics of the 'Wood.
Asking Your Date for Beer Money
"I have a column's worth for you!" fessed Lisa about her first date gone wrong.
"We met online and had made plans to meet up," she explained. "We were supposed to meet for drinks, but right before the date, he texted me 'Wait, I only have $15.'
"I was a bit confused at first but gave him the benefit of the doubt and told him to meet up for fro-yo instead. So we met up. Things went pretty smooth until it started to rain. He suggested we head over to his place.
"I agreed. But before we left, he wanted to buy beer and cigarettes. So we made a quick stop. As he was paying, the total turned out to be like $20. So he turned to me and asked for five bucks, and of course, I gave it to him," she laughed.
"I later got a text asking for a second date... That never happened."
Sure, she could've just walked away, but here's proof that polite women still exist in Miami.
Falling for Your Double Date
Alejandro and his bros were chatting up a storm outside the Wynwood Walls.
"I was talking to a girl, and we had made plans to go on a date," he went on. "She wanted to bring a friend, so I begged one of my buddies to go with me. He didn't want to but ended going.
"The funny thing is that I ended up liking his date more," admitted Alejandro.
So what happened?
"My friend ended up taking one for the team," he laughed, "but let's just say it didn't work out for none of us."
That doesn't surprise us.
"I learned my lesson that night: Never go on a double first date."
Rejected For Making a Move
Emilio and his wife were checking out art at Peter Tunney's gallery.
"Oh, you gotta ask my husband," Emilio's wife chuckled when asked about horrible first date experiences.
"This was the last date I went on before I met my wife," he clarified. "I was in New York. We were at this restaurant that had some cool pictures of old New York on the walls. We were in the middle of dinner, and I got up to use the restroom."
"I was checking out the photos on my way back to the table, so took a while. As I was looking at the photos, I noticed my date frantically looking around. When I got back to the table, she was freaking out for some reason. I guess she thought I had gotten up and left? I don't know."
"Anyways, on the cab ride back, I tried making a move on her. She freaked out, stopped the cab, and got out," he laughed. "I was so confused."
Emilio may have gotten totally rejected that night, but at least it brought him one step closer to meeting his wifey.
Taking a Vegetarian Out For Gourmet Duck Pizza
Wynwood may have been our pick for Miami's best place for first dates, but Lauren wasn't feeling the love.
"Where to start!" she proclaimed while she pondered about her worst date of all time.
"We met at a bar," she went on. "He was much older than I was, but kept on asking me out, so I said, 'Sure, why not.'"
"He took me out to a really nice restaurant and ordered an entire duck pizza. I had insisted that I was a vegetarian, but he ordered anyway," she laughed, "and he ate the whole pizza by himself!"
"He even tried kissing me at the end of the night, and I was like, 'You have a belly full of duck meat, no thank you,' and left. At least I got to drink a bottle of nice wine."
If it wasn't for the wine, we don't know how Lauren would've gotten by.
Finding Out the Hard Way Your On-Line Dates Are Best Friends
"I was talking to two guys on POF [Plenty of Fish]," said Stephanie, who was experiencing the arty party madness of Art Walk for the first time.
"But I was into one guy more than the other. The guy I was interested in more asked me if I was talking to other people on POF. I was honest with him, and told him yes. He was okay with that, and we kept on talking," she explained.
"Both guys asked me what I was doing that Friday. I had made plans to go to Mr. Moe's in the Grove that night, and told the guy I was interest in where exactly I would be. The other guy only knew I was in the area."
"So I'm there at the bar with my friend. I got a text when from the guy I liked telling me that he spotted me, and to come over to his table. So I grabbed my friend and walked on over. When I got there, his friends started laughing."
"I was so confused. I thought, 'Oh my God, why are these guys laughing at me? Do I have something in my face?' And then I noticed that the two guys were there together and were actually best friends," she laughed.
"What happened after?"
"The guy I was interested in gave me a second chance because I was honest."
Guess you can say honesty can get you out of anything.
A Hook Up Turned Into Naked Chase by a Psycho Ex
Ed was standing outside the Wynwood Doors with his Canadian friends.
"It was the winter of '94," he began. "I was at a bar in Sydney. I began talking to some guy, and noticed that we were being watched."
"I told him and he said, 'Oh, don't worry about it. It's just my psycho ex,'" he recalled. "So I just went with it."
"One thing led to another. We ended up going to his place and hooking up. We were going at it, and then I heard someone breaking in. I told him, and he said, 'Oh, don't worry about it. It's just my ex. It'll go away.'"
"The next thing I know his ex walks in, and before I could even put my clothes on, he and his ex got into a fist fight," he laughed.
We Believe Local Journalism is Critical to the Life of a City
Engaging with our readers is essential to Miami New Times's mission. Make a financial contribution or sign up for a newsletter, and help us keep telling Miami's stories with no paywalls.
Support Our Journalism
"So I grabbed my clothes, and ran away in the nude as fast as I could for about a block, somewhere in the middle of the suburbs of Sydney, until it was safe."
At least Ed was able to save his pants.