You know, media mogul and notorious big baller Ted Turner was totally right when he said: "Sports is like a war without the killing." And that's why our Miami Dolphins should immediately suspend their punk-bitch-porpoise-in-a helmet logo in favor of Last Rights' Mac-10 redesign. For one, this murder weapon with eyes looks certifiably badass on T-shirts, both teal and black. And, for another, I think it sends the right message to opposing squads, basically: "We've got a sense of humor and everything ... But right now you and I are mortal enemies and I'm gonna chop you in half with my super-cheap, black market machine pistol."
Sadly though, the Dolphins aren't doing much chopping these days, metaphorically or otherwise. With a 1-3 record, the team's mired at the bottom of the AFC East, looking at a long and ugly season. Yet, among the hardcore, hope remains. And so, Last Rights Clothing and local hip-hoppers ¡Mayday! will be leading a last-ditch cheerleading bash at the Hotel Victor for this week's Monday Night Football, featuring the Fins versus the New York Jets.
The game will be shown on a 30-foot projection screen while burgers, wings, and gator get the tailgate treatment. Plus, there'll be a king's ransom of giveaway gear, including Last Rights stuff, Flud watches, and a special top-secret something from Shoe Gallery. Then at halftime, ¡Mayday! will unleash a set of their rapid-fire rap blratt-blratt while DJ K-Razor drops hot wax throughout the night.
Oh yeah, there'll also be full access to the Victor's pool. But bathers beware, Last Rights is gonna let their alligator mascot loose. And no, it's not the ra-ra varsity plush kind ... We're talking razor-sharp teeth and scales.
Monday, October 12. Hotel Victor, 1144 Ocean Dr., Miami Beach. The party starts at 8 p.m, and there's no cover. Ages 21+ with ID. 305-428-1234; hotelvictorsouthbeach.com
