When in Rome, you shuffle through the Vatican Museums and the Colosseum with a tour group. Guided by a dopey ex-pat, you learn the condensed histories of these places, take cliché family photos, and drop serious Euro coinage on overpriced gelato.
When in Miami, however, you drop a hundred bucks and three beans on a WMC cruise around Biscayne Bay, bleep-bloop-ing your way into the sunset while rocking an "I'm in Miami, Bitch" t-shirt.
Here are the eight best electronic dance music cruises for Winter Music Conference 2012.
Half Seas Over Showcase. With Jay Haze, Inxec, Ray Okpara, and others, presented by Un_Mute and Aqua Elite Events. Saturday, March 17, 5 p.m., Tikki Beach, boarding at 301 Biscayne Blvd., Miami. Tickets cost $60 plus fees via wantickets.com. Ages 21 and up. Is it a boat, a barge, or a bungalow? Well, Tikki Beach is all of the above, really. And on March 17, it's gonna be a total beat bonanza.
Monza Ibiza Records. With Javier Gonzalez, Sergio Fernandez, Marcos Cruz, and others, presented by Partito di Casa. Sunday, March 18, 1:45 p.m., Biscayne Lady, boarding at Marina Bayside Marketplace, 401 Biscayne Blvd., Miami. Tickets cost $75 plus fees via wantickets.com. Ages 21 and up. Party like a Spaniard when Ibiza boards Miami's Biscayne Lady, dropping beats and positive grooves.
Island Sessions Sunset Yacht Cruise 2012. With Jazzy Eyewear, ATFC, David Penn, and others, presented by Funky Couture Entertainment. Wednesday, March 21, 4 p.m., Kabana Beach, boarding at 4441 N. Collins Ave., Miami Beach. Tickets cost $100 to $2,500 plus fees via wantickets.com. Ages 21 and up. Chicago-based Funky Couture Entertainment is back for 2012 with a five-hour bash aboard the 120-foot Kabana Beach.
WMC Cadenza Cruise. With Reboot, Robert Dietz, Michel Cleis, Maayan Nidam, Desyn Masiello, and others. Wednesday, March 21, 3 p.m., Biscayne Lady, boarding at Marina Bayside Marketplace, 401 Biscayne Blvd., Miami. Tickets cost $150 plus fees via wantickets.com. Ages 21 and up. Perhaps the biggest cruise during WMC, the Cadenza returns to the Biscayne Lady with a stellar DJ lineup.
Hot Creations Cruise. With Jamie Jones, Lee Foss, Miguel Campbell, Richy Ahmed, Danny Daze, and others. Thursday, March 22, 3 p.m., Biscayne Lady, boarding at Marina Bayside Marketplace, 401 Biscayne Blvd., Miami. Tickets cost $200 and up. Ages 21 and up. The demand is so high for this cruise that the promoter couldn't even tell us how much tickets cost. Be prepared to shell out upwards of $200 if you want get it on with Hot Creations.
Myon & Shane 54, John O'Callaghan, and Leon Bolier. Thursday, March 22, 1 p.m., Kabana Beach, boarding at Marina Bayside Marketplace, 401 Biscayne Blvd., Miami. Tickets cost $79.99 plus fees via wantickets.com. Ages 21 and up. OMG! We fucking love John O'Callaghan. He's like the Bono of Irish DJs.
Tytanium Sessions Yacht Party. With Sean Tyas & Menno de Jong, presented by Mystery Sounds. Friday, March 23, noon, Kabana Beach, boarding at Marina Bayside Marketplace, 401 Biscayne Blvd., Miami. Tickets cost $65 plus fees via wantickets.com. Ages 21 and up. Promoters are billing this as an "afternoon of musical destruction." Let's hope things don't get too out of hand.
The Sunset Voyage. With Sasha, James Zabiela, Damian Lazarus, and others. Friday, March 23, 3 p.m., The Floridian Princess, boarding at Marina Bayside Marketplace, 401 Biscayne Blvd., Miami. Tickets cost $200 and up. Just like the Hot Creations Cruise, this yacht party is one of WMC's hottest tickets. Expect to pay big bucks, beat freaks.
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