Sorry to the thousands of tourists who paid around $80 each for the Lil Wayne & Birdman party at Mansion last night. We know you thought he would at least get on the mic for a minute and say wasup, rap a little, talk some shit, something. But he was extremely busy in the VIP. Plus, he was like 15 feet behind the DJ, so that would've been like a really far walk and all. But don't worry, we got some pictures of what he was up to. Very rare grown man shit. Here are the reasons Lil Wayne couldn't perform.
17. Fell Asleep
Don't you ever get tired of making money, fucking hoes, doing drugs, and then talking into a microphone about making money, fucking hoes, and doing drugs as a way to make more money to fuck more hoes, and do more drugs? It's tiring, OK!
16. His Bottom Lip Got Stuck
"Can someone please call Baby, and please say the Baby, tell him my yip is stuck, my yip is stuck,' or something?"
15. Forgot Where He Was
"Yo, Mack! Where the fuck we at, Mane? I just woke up from an awesome nap, my lip got stuck, and I don't know where the hell we are dude. WTF's goin' on bro?"
14. Shit His Pants
C'mon now, if that ain't a dirty dookie face, what is. Now do the stanky legg, do the stanky legg. Two step in shit with it, step in shit with it.
13. Noticed What A Nice Ear His Homie Has
"Jus look at that shit, dam, I could talk to that motherfucker all night."
12. Way Too Busy Drinking Out of an Old T-Shirt
So first you pick up a $5 shirt at your local gas station, dip it in a bucket of sizzurp, and then slowly wring it into your mouth. It's the newest shit, yo. This how all the gangstas are sipping lean in 2013.
11. Got Stuck Under A Yellow Zebra Beach Towel
It's a good thing Baby packed him a beach bag or who knows what he would have done after he shit his pants.
10. Fell Asleep...Again
Liquid heroin. It's a hell of a drug.
9. Heard the Best Joke Ever
You really expect him to just drop everything he's doing without hearing the punch line? Well, do you?
8. Face Got Stuck
You don't know what it's like to be a rapper. That shit takes practice. Mad practice. He's like a vocal athlete. And sometimes athletes get cramps. It's just the way it is.
7. Too Busy Sucking On Something...
Sucking on something...
Sucking on something?
4. Had Another Man's Ear in His Mouth
No idea what's going on here. Is it a trick of the light, a ghostly apparition, an optical illusion, or does he actually have a mouth full of dude's face? Is he nibbling or chewing? And why does it look like his buddy is giggling?
3. Showing Off
You think you like the teeth? Wait till you see what the pinky do
2. Nothing's Fun Anymore
Have you ever cried into $75,000 sheets when you get home in the morning?
1. Misses Going to Heat Games
"I just wish D-Wade would have waved to me..."