If you're going to listen to a DJ Pauly D set and you care at all about the legitimacy of the art form, you'll need to get very, very drunk.
But if you just really like clubbing and tanning and Pauly D, you'll still probably want to get very, very drunk.
In either case, Pauly D knows his audience, and he's ready to serve them up the blackout juice until we're all fist-pumping along to "Night of My Life."
Behold, Pauly D's REMIX Cocktails, coming exclusively to the Clevelander Hotel on Saturday, February 23, for the South Beach Wine & Food Festival.
Get ready to taste Pauly D's REMIX Pre-Game Cocktail, a ready-to-drink 750ml bottle that's designed to take you from stubborn "bomb" to bedazzled DTF, with no grenade later. He'll be tearing up the decks on SoBe while you sip on one of his four new flavors.
There's the limey "Oye Mojito," the red, rasp, and dark berry "Yeah Yumberry," the sweet and spicy "Strawberry Holla-peno," and the apple-starfruit mix simply called "Starfruit."
Of course, the base alcoholic component is vodka. Looking at those names, thinking about vodka, and considering the first few years of our college drinking experience, we're going to go ahead and guess there might be a headache in there somewhere.
But if you think hangovers are for babies and underdeveloped alcoholics and you want to party unironically with Jersey Shore's premier rhinestone cowboy, you should make sure to hit up REMIX cocktails' exclusive Miami premiere.
REMIX Cocktails by DJ Pauly D's Private Launch Party. Saturday, February 23. The Clevelander Hotel, 1020 Ocean Dr., Miami Beach. Ages 21 and up. The party starts at 4 p.m. Call 305-531-3485 or visit clevelander.com.