Hello, Kitty: I was with a girl for a very long time before my five years in prison, and we've stayed together. She loves me very much and has vowed she will stand by me until I come home, but a few days ago she told me she wasn't happy and that she was fed up with the situation. She wants to call it quits, but she is the only woman I have ever been in love with, and the thought of losing her is killing me softly. I respect her for being very open and honest with me, and I want her to be happy, but I can't let go of her. She says that if I love her, then I'll let her go. I have only 26 more months to do. Do you think it's right for me to fight for her? Or is it my duty to respect her and let go? She's said that when I get out, we can start all over again — that is, if I've left the fast-money life and she's single. Still, I'm depressed and I don't want to lose her. What is the right thing to do?
Jayl Burdd
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Hey, Jayl: In any case, if a person wants to maintain a relationship, he or she should fight for it. Your situation is unique because your criminal transgressions are the cause of the physical divide. When you went out and did your dirt, you risked a lot — including the bond with your lady. The fact that she has stayed beside you for this long is beyond admirable; a lot of chicks can't deal with the stress that a lover's jail sentence can throw into a situation. She easily could have kept up the love letters and ten-minute phone calls with you and fallen into the arms of someone whose freedom isn't quite so restricted. Her honesty deserves some leniency on your part. So though you don't want to see her with anyone else and need the strong support system she's provided thus far, you should "allow" her to move on with her life.
She has even left the door open for reconciliation by saying she'll give you a second chance if you change your lawbreaking ways. After all, you're not the only one whom the court sentenced to an extended time-out to think, exercise, and devise ways to make a can of tuna taste like a slab of flank steak. She's surely taken time to evaluate and has decided not to continue waiting for a lover who couldn't stay on the right side of the law.
More important, you have to worry about yourself right now and prepare for a post-jail life. It's essential to your survival and the possible rebirth of the relationship. Rehabilitating yourself takes precedence over her presence. Then maybe you'll realize she's more important than ever. And that's when you fight for her. Meow.
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