We didn't cause a fuss when he canceled our beloved mascot races. Even if the contests were fixed, we loved them and will miss them.
But this time, Jeter has pushed Marlins diehards to the brink of a constitutional crisis with the news that he and his heartless, money-grubbing decision-makers want to do the absolutely unthinkable: rip the infamous Miami Marlins’ home-run sculpture out and put it in storage, never to be seen again.
Are you high, Jeets?
No. Probably not. Because if you were, you'd appreciate this fine piece by pop artist Red Grooms that cost the City of Miami $2.5 million to construct.
Listen, bud: You can trade away all of our players. You can monetize the team all you want. Hell, make a billion dollars and lose every game — that's what the guys you bought the team from already did. But for all that is holy in the world, leave our hideous home-run sculpture alone. It's all some of us have. It's literally in the top five things the Marlins are known for nationally. Let us live!
Please do not rip out a part of Marlins Park (uh, Sunkist Park, or whatever you name it in a few months) without first considering the fact that almost everyone loves it. We get that you probably hate it. Hell, most of us disliked it when it was unveiled. It's weird! It's loud! It makes no sense!
But it's Miami. And it has grown on us. SO DON'T TOUCH!
Seeing that monstrosity explode after a home run at Marlins Park has become a part of the baseball experience at a Fish game. It just feels very Miami. After the initial excitement of a home run passes, the first thing we think of is to glance over to catch the circus show in the outfield. Then we laugh and smile and have fun even when the score is 8-1
So chill out, Jeets. Don't move the home-run sculpture. Let it flourish. Let it live its best life. And let Marlins fans have this one thing while we wait on a winning baseball team that might never come.
