Host: Welcome to The Dating Game. Tonight Sally will choose her dream match from among our three charming and eager contestants. Go ahead, Sally, ask your first question.
Sally: Number one, if you were a sandwich, what type would you be?
Number one: A falafel.
Sally: And why is that?
Number one: It's ethnic and hot, just like me, baby.
Sally: Oh great. Number two, same question.
Number two: A falafel, because it's not full of baloney, and neither am I!
Sally: How original. Number three?
Number three: A falafel.
Sally: What are you, fucking triplets?
Host: Please, Sally, this is a family show.
Number three: But I'd be a falafel sandwich from Oriental Bakery & Grocery, with a fresh mix of diced tomato and cucumber, a slight smear of the smoothest hummus in town, and a frolicking splash of sesame tahini. I'd be nattily dressed in a laffa jacket baked on premises, and retain a lightness about me — not greasy like number one, or heavy like number two. Oriental has been around since 1939, so I'd be a falafel with maturity steeped in experience. As one who appreciates world culture, I'd be surrounded by olives from Persia to Palestine to Peru. And I'm a fair and reasonable guy, just like the pricing here: $4.50 for a sandwich guaranteed to please.
Sally: Wow — add a jolt of hot sauce and my knickers are all yours.