You’re on a Boat

Miami New Times was surprised to learn today there’s an actual sailboat race happening during the Columbus Day Regatta. We wholeheartedly apologize for assuming the point of the regatta was to get as drunk as possible on a personal watercraft in the middle of Biscayne Bay while wearing as few clothing items as possible without drawing the attention of the authorities (who are out there, let’s be honest, to see some boobies). We realize now, too late, that the word regatta implies this race in its etymology, and as English majors, we should have used our Ivy League (OK, fine, NESCAC) critical-thinking skills to parse out the logical conclusion that this Saturday, beginning at 10 a.m., there will in fact be boats with sober people on them trying to win a trophy by sailing as swiftly as possible. If that’s your thing, Spalding, there’s a $75 entry fee payable to the Coral Reef Yacht Club. For the rest of us, bring on the free boobies!
Sat., Oct. 10, 10 a.m.; Sun., Oct. 11, 10 a.m., 2009
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P. Scott Cunningham