Sports

Will Ferrell is Ted Vagina: Four Explanations For Last Night's Lakers Stunt

Last night, Will Ferrell donned a red blazer and posed as a Staples Center security guard during the L.A. Lakers game against the Phoenix Suns. At least, we're pretty sure it was Will Ferrell. His nametag, however, read "Ted Vagina."

Ted Vagina stood facing the crowd, sternly protecting the players on the court from any and all threats. Threats like Shaquille O'Neal, who was later ejected from the arena by -- you guessed it -- Ted Vagina.

Ted Vagina doesn't mess around.

So what's the deal? Ferrell hasn't given any explanations for last night's antics. So we're forced to make them up. Our possibilities, plus videos of the stunt, after the jump.

Ted Vagina is Will Ferrell's real name.

He changed it at the persuasion of his agent, who said he'd never get a movie role with a name like Vagina. Not that kind of movie, anyway.

Will Ferrell is making a stand for women.

Valentine's Day is also V-Day, in which ladies and those who love them make a stand against violence against women. Ferrell is standing, and his nametag very clearly indicates he's standing for, well, vagina. It's art, people.

Ted Vagina is Will Ferrell's superhero alter-ego.

Soaring through the air! Leaping tall buildings in a single bound! Protecting Kobe from basketball hooligans! It's the trademark scowl and bright red sportscoat of ... TED VAGINA.

Will Ferrell had a few too many Old Milwaukees.

Who among us hasn't thrown a few back, blacked out, and woken up the next morning with "vagina" written on them somewhere?

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Ciara LaVelle is New Times' former arts and culture editor. She earned her BS in journalism at Boston University and moved to Florida in 2004. She joined New Times' staff in 2011.
Contact: Ciara LaVelle