We don't know about you, but pretty much anything on Bravo completely takes over our DVRs. Bravo is the best friend a reality junkie could have. I mean, yes, they've betrayed us before with poor choices in programming (NYC Prep, Work of Art, Miami Social...we could go on and on). But at the end of the day, series like Top Chef and The Rachel Zoe Project make the entire relationship worth it.
And for any Real Housewives fan, these last few weeks have been pure romance in our reality relationship with the network. If you enjoy any of the Housewives franchises, there is so much good shit coming up, we can barely keep our panties on. So just in case you haven't been able to keep up with the ladies, lets us break down what you have to look forward to.
The Real Housewives of New Jersey: Everything about these ladies is
amazing. Their accents are like a hug from baby Jesus. And Danielle
Staub makes you praise the lord that she ain't your momma. The first
season of this show was terrific: the feuds between Danielle and the entire state of NJ and don't get us started on how satisfying
Theresa's table flipping was. So when we heard the joyous news that
there would be a Season 2, we were in ecstasy. But this season wasn't
that great. Pretty much every episode has been about how the entire cast
wants to cut Danielle in true mafiosa fashion.
But then, on Monday night, all our dreams came true. When Kim G. yelled
"You're an old lady with your fake and square tits!" in Danielle's face,
we were so glad our TVs had rewind. We watched it over and over
again. That crazy bitch WON'T be
back next season! I mean, is it Christmas? Apparently Santa came early,
because the sneak peek for the reunion looks like it's going to be the
best show ever. We see Theresa pushing Bravo Andy on his ass and all the
ladies going fully nuts on Danielle (yet again.) Next Monday can't come
soon enough.
The Real Housewives of Atlanta: With lines like, "Is your wig squeezing
your brain too tight?," there's nothing like a housewife from Atlanta.
We have seen the ladies grow from sweet Southerners to full blown
trannies pretty much overnight. Show standouts NeNe and Kim Zolciak
make the show feel like a hit of meth. We can't help but want more.
Unlike other housewife franchises that get boring after Season 1, these
ladies bring the drama week after week. They all seem to hate each
other, but they still head out to Hotlanta's clubs together on and off
camera.
With the preview hitting us this week, there are so many thoughts
running through our brain: Crazy Kim is a lesbian (yes! What would big
papa think?), but she also thinks she's Lady Gaga? It looks like NeNe
gets a job (probably because she's broke living in a rented house), her
son gets arrested, and she verbally assaults her husband (what else is
new?) We get two new housewives: model Cynthia Bailey who is about to be
married to a black Colonel Sanders and entertainment lawyer Phaedra
Parks who has been knocked up by an ex-con. Our favorite line from the
future Mrs. Colonel Sanders is that she has only been engaged three
times. Wow, girl. Not too bad! The new season starts October 4th, and
we're on the edge of our seats.
The Real Housewives of New York: OK, these ladies don't have a new
season, but they've had a lot of drama since the last time we saw them.
First off, Jill Zarin announced to us that she might not be returning to
the show. Even though she was a real bitch last season, we can't help
but remember how awesome she was Seasons 1 and 2. And in our interview,
we have to admit, she's kinda freaking delightful. If she doesn't
return, we can only imagine she's a little bitter over Mrs. Bethenny
Frankel who got her own show, baby, and husband all in the same year.
All the other ladies aren't really that great (we do like that slut
Sonja Morgan). Our ideal situation would be Bethenny and Jill living
under the same roof, The Hills-style. Bravo, any thoughts?
The Real Housewives of DC: Are we the only ones not loving this show? It
had so much potential. With the feisty cougar Lynda, dumb blond
Michaele, and even British Catherine, it seemed like this season was
going to be a good time. But honestly, we're fucking bored. We do love
Stacie, who runs with our boy Barack, and Mary who's the only one who
makes us laugh, but the others are just whatever. The only thing holding
this show together is the future episode when Olsen-twin look-a-like
Michaele and her annoying husband crash the White House
dinner. How great is that hot mess going to be?
