| Culture |

Which Florida Celebrities Will Get a Piece of the Dolphins Next?

Keep New Times Free
I Support
  • Local
  • Community
  • Journalism
  • logo

Support the independent voice of Miami and help keep the future of New Times free.

In case you missed it, Dolphins owner Stephen Ross made it official this morning: The Fins are indeed waging the biggest celebrity love-fest in South Florida this side of Kourtney & Khloé Take Miami.

The Dolphins have lost 20 percent of their season ticket base since 2006, and Ross's plan to win those pigskin fans back runs heavier on the T-Pain than the tight ends. 

Miami, you see, is about "celebrities, entertainment, and lifestyles," Ross tells the Herald. So this off-season, Ross sold his stadium name to Jimmy Buffett for a warmed-over theme song, brought the Estefans and Marc Anthony onboard as part-owners, let T-Pain take a crack at the team anthem, and hired Romero Britto to slather the stadium with garish kittens

If that's not enough to force your wallet open, don't worry: Ross plans to announce three more celebrity minority owners next week. 

All Ross will say at this point is that the three will be famous and beloved Floridians. So who's it going to be? A highly placed source on the deepest of deep background (OK, Perez Hilton) has leaked the names to New Times. Check 'em out after the jump.

Burt Reynolds: Nothing, but nothing, says swingin' sexy South Beach cool like Turd Ferguson himself. That thunderous roar you hear is coming from the masses at Riviera Beach's Burt Reynolds and Friends Museum, stampeding down I-95 for a midfield mustache ride with their idol. Giddyup!

Yngwie Malmsteen: Stephen Ross's crack team of statisticians has analyzed the numbers, and the facts don't lie. Of the 20 percent of Dolphins season ticket holders who have canceled their subscriptions, a vast majority are Swedish speed metal fans furious over the team's association with Jimmy Buffett. And who can blame them? Only Miami resident Swedish shredder Yngwie Malmsteen can bring them back into the fold.

Jose Canseco: You want celebrity? You want entertainment? You want, uh, lifestyle? Wrap your face around the man who personifies all three, with a healthy dose of class sprinkled on top: Jose "Juice" Canseco, Miami's proudest son.

Keep Miami New Times Free... Since we started Miami New Times, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of Miami, and we would like to keep it that way. Offering our readers free access to incisive coverage of local news, food and culture. Producing stories on everything from political scandals to the hottest new bands, with gutsy reporting, stylish writing, and staffers who've won everything from the Society of Professional Journalists' Sigma Delta Chi feature-writing award to the Casey Medal for Meritorious Journalism. But with local journalism's existence under siege and advertising revenue setbacks having a larger impact, it is important now more than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" membership program, allowing us to keep covering Miami with no paywalls.

We use cookies to collect and analyze information on site performance and usage, and to enhance and customize content and advertisements. By clicking 'X' or continuing to use the site, you agree to allow cookies to be placed. To find out more, visit our cookies policy and our privacy policy.


Join the New Times community and help support independent local journalism in Miami.


Join the New Times community and help support independent local journalism in Miami.