After seven long years, a certain celebrity couple has felt the itch. The burgeoning rose that was the romance between Mila Kunis and Macaulay Culkin has wilted.
"Well slap some aftershave on my prepubescent face and yell AHHH!" you say? You didn't even know these two were together? Neither did we.
Well, okay, we kind of did. And it's difficult not to think about the randomness of a character like Jackie Burkhart from That 70s Show bumping uglies with Kevin McCallister. In honor of Hollywood's latest relationship wreckage, here are other 70s Show characters we like to see get busy with iconic child stars from the 80s.
Fez, before he became a ladies' man in the show's last we-totally-jumped-the-shark season, would date anything. And the actor who played the most cryptic of all foreign exchange students (where was he from exactly? Brazil, Venezuela, Mypos?), Wilmer Valderrama likes 'em young. Case in point, he dated Lindsay Lohen while she was still jail bait and claimed to have taken a barely legal Mandy Moore's virginity. So we feel that the eternal child, Michelle Tanner, is the perfect fit for Fez. Can you imagine the dirty talk between these two characters? We'd imagine it'd go something like this:
Fez: "Your sexy munchkin body makes me want to squirt!"
Michelle: "Don't call me squirt!"
Fez: "Can I call you a whore then?"
Michelle: "You got it dude!"
Punky's got abandonment issues and Eric's father, Red -- who affectionately nicknamed Eric "Dumbass" -- always seemed like he wished that he abandoned his son, so we feel this coupling works. Plus, Eric was a boring dresser and Punky's ensembles were all about spunk. They both look about the same size, so they could totally share clothes!
After being locked up for selling bongs online, we all know Chong's vice of choice. And with Jessie's spectacular "I'm so excited, I'm so excited, I'm so....scared" breakdown after ODing on caffeine pills, we feel this tweaker and this stoner could balance one another out quite nicely. Plus, Chong used to be a musician, so maybe he can help launch Jessie's girl group with Lisa and Kelly called Hot Sundae to super stardom. Or at the very least, we feel the two of theme could have a lot of fun together figuring out the correct pronunciation of Versace.
At first we thought, Donna would be better suited for Axl Rose. Both are firey gingers; Donna dug rock stars; and Axl loves himself a model (which actress Laura Prepon was before her gig on 70s Show). But that's no fun...unless some kind of 1980s video catfight between Prepon and Stephanie Seymour went down. Alf, on the other hand, is also a redhead, can be just as controversial as Rose, and likes to eat cats. And devouring a whole feline a day, in Donna's best friend Jackie's mind, is probably a good explanation of how Donna achieved her "lumber jack" (as Jackie so affectionately called her) size.
Follow Cultist on Facebook and Twitter @CultistMiami.