Weird Miami Bus Tour, O, Miami Edition: Naked Guys and Drug Drops in Miami Beach

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There are many ways to tour the alleyways of South Beach. On foot (in closed toe shoes) or aboard a rented bicycle, Segway, or naked guy. Naked guy? Stare at this photograph and let your eyes slip focus. Within a few seconds, you will see an entirely hairless naked guy waving to you from behind the counter. It is not an optical illusion.

Behind the Wolfsonian sits a boarded up and vacant building. Well, at least it's vacant sometimes. Sneaky slim people use this hole to enter the building and take dangerous, unsupervised naps. As such, according to Sandler, there are periodic police raids of the building. That's something that sounds way harder than just moving that No Trespassing sign like a foot over to the right.

Sandler read a Pablo Neruda poem atop this structure that he described as "a cross between a stage and a crypt [because] they are currently exhuming Neruda's bones to determine the cause of his death." Presumably, this means investigators can rule out that Neruda died because he didn't have any bones.

When people think of the beach, they think of fun in the sun. But when the sun goes down and the fun ends, all you're left with is a load of sand in your swim trunks. Fortunately, if you know where to go, something can be done about your beach cooter. Visit your local alleyway, drop it off, grab a sandwich, and come back for it after your beach cooter has been thoroughly detailed. Not sure what the rampant horses are all about, though. Sand in their cooters?

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B. Caplan