Weak-Ass Wizards

The Washington Wizards suck. Sure, they’ve been assembling a nice group of young talent around potential all-star point guard John Wall, whom many experts consider the fastest basketball player in the NBA. But Washington fans who have aspirations for the playoffs this year? That’s cute. Don’t be fooled — the hometown favorite Miami Heat will destroy these guys this Sunday. No, not just a normal ass-whooping. Full-blown annihilation. Backroom whispers hint the Heat is out to break the 1995-96 Chicago Bulls’ 72-win regular-season record, and if that’s that case, Miami needs to methodically stomp on every opponent this season. This championship team hasn’t changed a bit, and the hostilities the Miami players have built up over the past couple of years will likely drive them even harder to tear the league apart. Heat fans couldn’t wish for a better season, because without a doubt every single night will feature a bevy of highlight-reel dunks, alley-oops, and circus shots featuring the team’s three superstars.
Sun., Nov. 3, 6 p.m., 2013
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Ric Delgado