It's Valentine's Day, and if you forgot to procure a present for your significant other, say hello to shit creek. Sans paddle.
But we're still on your side, you deadbeat, so we compiled a list of last minute gifts you can acquire for just $5 on the brilliantly useful website, Fiverr. From redneck tributes to love bunnies, there are all kinds of options for the broke and desperate. Unfortunately, they're all inherently ridiculous. But hey, worth a shot, right? If your better half is as desperate as you are, you might still get laid tonight, after all.
Giving your boyfriend a sexy picture of another woman on Valentine's Day might seem slightly sketchy for some chicks. But for other couples, it might serve as kinky kindling for that physical fire. Hey, whatever you're into.
Everyone loves puppies. Particularly of the smushy faced, bulldog variety. For $5, a cute English bulldog pup will shill love to your S.O. Adorable animals make for foolproof nookie bait.
For the thesaurus enthusiast in your life, there's this. Some dude will Photoshop your message of love onto Scrabble tiles. Because word nerds need love too.
If you're dating a Big Bang Theory-esque super nerd, you're probably already used to bizarre role play that involves Klingons and Sigourney Weaver. So seeing yourself or your special someone Avatar-ed out will probably be a total turn on.
Nothing says loving like two rednecks pounding a Natty Light. For a mere $5, Cindy Lou and Billy Joe Jim Bob will make your loved one feel like the luckiest kissing cousin this side of Mobile.
If you're too shy to perform a 9 1/2 Weeks style striptease for your wife or hubby, let this dude do it for you. For just $5, he'll drop trou and let his crotch do the talking.
There's no better present than a bundle of joy. But if your loins just aren't feeling fertile, for $5 some chick will mail you a positive pregnancy test. Shotgun weddings are totes romantic, after all.
Create your own Valentine's Day episode of Cheaters with this chick. For $5, she'll flirt with your hubby or boyfriend to test their fidelity. 'Cuz the most romantic day of the year is as good a time to break up as any.
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Wanna make your women stay? Scare her straight by showing her what else is out there, should she choose to leave. Like this dude's epic beer gut, for example. Profess your love on his bulbous belly, and she'll be thanking her lucky stars she landed you.
Lacking the brass cojones to put an end to your played-out partnership? For $5, you can pass the buck to someone else. This dude will do the breaking up for you, via phone. It's the perfect cop out for gutless wonders -- and it'll make for a Valentine's Day she'll never forget.