4

Ultra Music Festival Is a Great First Date Idea, According to Sleazy MissTravel.com Website

^
Keep New Times Free
I Support
  • Local
  • Community
  • Journalism
  • logo

Support the independent voice of Miami and help keep the future of New Times free.

At about this time last year, the entire Internet-watching world was having a huge laugh at one very wasted Ultra Music Fest party girl having, well, a full-blown romance with a tree. She snuggled that tree. She kissed that tree. At one point, the tree got a little too fresh for her liking, and she slapped that tree right across its sassy tree face.

That video apparently made a big impression upon users of MissTravel.com, a dating website that provides rich men with sexy young lady companions. The girls get to see the world on extravagant dates in far-flung locals. And the men get, uh, "companionship."

In a recent survey, MissTravel.com members chose Ultra Music Festival as one of the top ten most preferred music festivals for a first date. Let's break that down for you more clearly: This website, which encourages men to give women expensive things in the hope of getting laid, is a big fan of the drug-saturated party scene at Ultra. Are you creeped out yet?

See also:

- Miss Travel: Another Online Brothel for Rich Men

"Music brings people together, and experiencing something you are both so passionate about creates such a strong bond between two people," said Brandon Wade, founder and CEO of MissTravel.com, in a statement. "Think of all the stories people still tell about Woodstock, many of them involving people they met or fell in love with there."

First of all, for every story about a couple falling in love at Woodstock, there's a story about a sketchy sexual encounter in the back of a VW bus.

Secondly, is it at all possible to fall in love at Ultra? One assumes you'd have to be able to talk to the person standing next to you, speaking in sentences more complex than "This is awesome, bro!" You'd have to stay focused on that person despite the giant crowds filled with glittery, neon, flashing fashion, including women wearing pot leaves as pasties. That's hard enough if you're sober, let alone if you've "found Molly," as the kids (and their t-shirts, and their signs) so cleverly say.

No, it's safe to say that MissTravel.com members are not looking for love at Ultra. They're looking for hot chicks, drugs, and an easy score. You know, just like everyone else.

Here's the full list of MissTravel.com's favorite festivals:

1. Coachella (Indio, CA)

2. South By Southwest (Austin, TX)

3. Lollapalooza (Chicago, IL)

4. Warped Tour (Traveling)

5. Bonnaroo (Manchester, TN)

6. Austin City Limits (Austin, TX)

7. Summerfest (Milwaukee, WI)

8. iHeartRadio Music Fest (Las Vegas, NV)

9. Ultra (Miami, FL)

10. Electric Daisy Carnival (Traveling)

Follow Ciara LaVelle on Twitter @ciaralavelle.

Follow Cultist on Facebook and Twitter @CultistMiami.

Keep Miami New Times Free... Since we started Miami New Times, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of Miami, and we would like to keep it that way. Offering our readers free access to incisive coverage of local news, food and culture. Producing stories on everything from political scandals to the hottest new bands, with gutsy reporting, stylish writing, and staffers who've won everything from the Society of Professional Journalists' Sigma Delta Chi feature-writing award to the Casey Medal for Meritorious Journalism. But with local journalism's existence under siege and advertising revenue setbacks having a larger impact, it is important now more than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" membership program, allowing us to keep covering Miami with no paywalls.

We use cookies to collect and analyze information on site performance and usage, and to enhance and customize content and advertisements. By clicking 'X' or continuing to use the site, you agree to allow cookies to be placed. To find out more, visit our cookies policy and our privacy policy.

 

Join the New Times community and help support independent local journalism in Miami.

 

Join the New Times community and help support independent local journalism in Miami.