Walking down Lincoln Road recently, we saw a quote tattooed on a girls body that said, "Love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies - Aristotle." And we thought to ourselves, "Calling it now, that bitch is single."
We think this way not because we grew up with older brothers, but because we've been watching Tough Love Miami religiously. And we have learned more in the last seven weeks than we ever did in college. (Hey FIU, we are kind of pissed about that fact, FYI.)
If you have ever caught an episode of the Vh1 hit, you know that the show is based on girls being hot ass messes with daddy issues or occasionally, mommy issues. But if you look past the tears and host Steve Ward's occasional cheese, there were are some love lessons to be learned. But let us warn you: this show isn't called Tough Love for nothing.
For those of you who maybe haven't kept up, here is a wrap up:
Keep Your Mugshot Off Facebook: When you or others put things on Facebook, think to yourself, "WWGT: What Would Grandma Think?" There is a reason Mark Zuckerberg allowed parents to be on Facebook: he wanted to keep your ass in check. On Episode One, the ladies met potential mates and before they even got their meals, Steve was projecting all their social media mess all over the restaurant's big screens. And guess what? All those drunken, naked and illegal photos you have your page? No one, especially guys, think they are cute. Remember: WWGT?
Text With Caution: For women of this century, we have accepted that texting, not calling, is just a part of dating. But before you send a text, there are a few simple rules. As we learned from Episode Two, they are as follows:
-Don't over think a text.
-Don't drink and text. Try not to drive, either.
-Don't even think about using the phrase, "LMAO."
-Also, :) & ;) are not welcome and make you look nuts.
-If you send more than five texts at once, Steve Ward will allow a man to get a restraining order on you
Keep Your Crazy Under Wraps: In Episode Three, we learned from Mr. Ward that when a dude is over at your house, he is checking out your stuff. Not if it is clean or not-- they are looking deeper than that. All those relationship books and inspiration cat posters? Keep that shit locked up like your medicine cabinet. One spotting of He's Just Not That Into You will make him run right out of your house.
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Be A Lady On The Streets: Ludacris has made the saying, "Be a lady on the streets, but a freak in the sheets" famous, but even matchmaker Steve Ward agrees. During Episode Five, the ladies had to do a sexy photoshoot. What we learned was to K.I.S.S. when trying to look hot: keep it simple, stupid. There is no need for a fishnet dress (cough cough Claudia.) Just a sexy white cotton shirt or anything that wont remind him of his friend's bachelor party at Tootsies will work.
Lower Your Standards: No, don't start dating a hobo, but Steve Ward encourages ladies to be realistic. Not every man you are going to date is going to be a doctor or lawyer like your mama had always wanted you to bring home. A couple of weeks back, Ward introduced the ladies to the lesson of deal breakers. He informed them that their wants for Mr. Right are actually "impossibly high." Especially for girls looking for that man with a six-pack. We got the ugly truth on Episode Six: 66% of this country is overweight. More cushion for the pushing, right?
Try To Be A Sober Sister: Think back to your friends 21st birthday. Remember how sloppy she was? Yeah, try not to do that. Even if 21-years-old is long gone. We have learned that while being a lady in the streets in is important, that rule is also required when you go out.