Years from now, your great-grandchildren will look up at you from their mini-hoverpods and ask, "Who was Michael Bay, you crazy old crone?" And you will be able to tell them that not only was he a successful movie director with about a bajillion dollars (which will not sound very impressive to your great-grandchildren, due to inflation), but that you were present in Miami for the first Michael Bay Day.

That most auspicious and, well, kinda random day is today. Commissioner Sally Heyman will present the proclamation during a city commission meeting this morning.

A day like this deserves more than mere reverent observance. After all, Bay-directed films like Bad Boys and Pain and Gain have brought jobs and revenue to Miami. And it's also a great excuse to have fun with Bay's schlocky, explodey aesthetic. So here's how we propose celebrating Michael Bay Day.