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The Ten Hottest Porn Stars at Exxxotica (NSFW, Obviously)

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Exxxotica is just around the corner. If you're like us, you're in the process of meticulously plotting out your schedule, carefully making sure that you can see your favorite MILF stars while not missing your BDSM besties at the same time.

But with such a stacked lineup, even the most experienced porn aficionados are scratching their head trying to figure out who to visit. That's why we've culled the lineup to bring you the best performers to check out.

(This is a post about porn, featuring photos of porn stars and links about porn conventions. So yeah, NSFW.)

Chyna
Remember when Chyna was the talk of the town of the wrestling biz? Since then, she has gotten into the porn biz, wowing audiences with her gigantic clitoris. How big? Look at your pinky, then look one finger over. She recently filmed a scene with a Hulk Hogan lookalike as well as other wrestling doppelgangers. This might be the low point of her career — and she had a stint on Celebrity Rehab, so that's really saying something.

Joslyn James
Hey guys, did you find Demi Moore attractive, but only in G.I. Jane? Well here's the next best thing. And she comes with her own Crash Test Dummy!

Siri
Yeah, someone had the gall to use Siri as a porn name. We don't care if she was around before the iPhone 4S. You've gotta use a different name; otherwise, you are doomed to spend the rest of your career in white rooms, resigned to filming Apple commercial parodies where you are double teamed by Justin Long and John Hodgman lookalikes.

MILF32DD
You should go check out MILF32DD just to reward her for eschewing the usual clever porn name choice and just putting out who she is. The whole world would be better if more people would do that. Like if Kim Kardashian just went by "ArmenianBBW."

Black Thought Presents The Roots Crew All-Stars
You may think, "The Roots! I love those guys." Hold up. These are not The Roots. Other than Black Thought, no other member of the legendary hip-hop band are mentioned. You know who is? Dice Raw, Nikki Jean, Patti Crash, Sugar Shay, and Queena Marie. OK, Dice Raw used to be in the group. Feel free to name a song of his for us. We'll wait.

Platinum Puzzy
Not only is Platinum Puzzy an, ahem, larger performer, but she also gets points for the cleverest use of replacing a S with a Z since we put "BLUNTZ" as the high score on the Pac-Man machine at our local pizza place. That said, her hair is more Auburn than Platinum.

Belladonna
What's notable about Belladonna, other than her gap tooth and knuckle tattoo? Well, she likes sex. Like, really likes sex. Not just in a porn star way. Don't believe us? Go to your Google search bar and look up "Belladonna Baseball." (Not at work, though.) Let's just say the results are not about Yankee fandom.

The Bang Bus
Not technically a porn actor, you say? You clearly are overlooking a vast and impressive body of work. The Bang Bus deserves a lifetime achievement award, or a thorough shampooing at the very least.

Robert Frost
No not that Robert Frost. This Robert Frost clearly got into pornography after not getting a callback for Dark Shadows.

Ron Jeremy
You pretty much have to see the "Hedgehog," if not for his legendary member, than at the very least to bask in his unsuccessful attempts to cross-over into the mainstream. Dude, make all the direct-to-DVD films you want; you're an ugly guy that gets paid to plow for a living. You're blessed. Be content.

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