Santa's pissed the world didn't end. He was counting on going out with a bang last night so he could finally let loose and not have to be accounted for every fu*king year.
But no. We're all still here. We still have to pay the rent. We still have to pay a car note. The world did not explode into smithereens, and an asteroid did not come to destroy our lives.
Ugh. Those Mayans.
The good news is: It's Friday, and we've all got a four day weekend ahead of us. And while the latter half of the weekend will be filled with bad Christmas sweaters and awkward conversations with family, it's still time off from work.
Deal with it, people. The world didn't end, so we all have to deal with each other for a looooooooong time.
Coconut Grove's Candy Cane Village: Kind of like the board game Candy Land -- but better.
Food Truckalypse: Apocalypse jokes are outdated now. Let's eat like there is a tomorrow, where we just don't care.
The Heavy Pets: Tropic-infused jam rock for the win!
A Christmas Story: A Christmas Story is the best Christmas movie of all time. Don't agree? Clearly you need a refresher.
Heat v Jazz: Heat and jazz actually go hand in hand. But pit the two together in an arena, and you've got yourself a great game.
Drag Queen Bingo Night: Stiletto 4. RuPaul 7. Diva 1. BIIIIIIIINGO!
Gift Music Festival: 50 percent of proceeds go to Make-A-Wish. No excuse, you grinch!
Dolphins v Buffalo Bills: You know, buffalos were once on the verge of extinction.
If you like this story, consider signing up for our email newsletters.
SHOW ME HOW
You have successfully signed up for your selected newsletter(s) - please keep an eye on your mailbox, we're movin' in!
Kulcha Shok Muzik: The best thing about Miami is that culture shock does not exist. But kulcha shock is plentiful.
Lincoln Road Farmers Market: Last chance to load up on farmer-friendly produce to compliment Noche Buena's caja china, y'all.
Follow Alex on Twitter @ARodWrites.