Miami? Overrated? According to HuffPo yesterday, there's nothing to do in the 305 but throw back overpriced club cocktails and sweat.
Which is weird, because we found this whole entire list of super-fun things to do this weekend -- none of them involving 5 a.m. untz-untzing.
Two of music's biggest names are putting on back-to-back shows. Festivals are breaking out all over town, dedicated to reggae, beer, and books. Like football? Take your pick: Canes or Fins.
But nah, HuffPo, we totally see your point about Miami. There's obviously nothing worthwhile to do here. How very sad for us.
The Eagles: Your dad's gonna be, like, totally jealous.
Deaf Poets: This local band may be a bunch of liars -- they're not deaf at all! -- but they still put on a fine show.
Water's Edge: Seven people meet on an anonymous beach and their stories and lives unfold in this season opener by Dance Now! -- and no, it's not based on Lost.
Bonus item for the ladies: It's not an event, exactly, but if you want a dude to shake his junk in your face in public, please note that tickets to Chippendales' residency at Mansion go on sale today.
South Florida Brewfest: Another weekend, another beer festival. (This is not a complaint.)
Miami Hurricanes vs. Virginia Cavaliers: Doesn't matter where the Cavs are from -- Virginia, Cleveland, whatever -- Miami's gonna stomp 'em.
Miami Reggae Fest: [insert weed reference in island patois here]
Janelle Monae: She's wacky, she's danceable, and girl looks hotter in menswear than any man alive.
Dolphins v. Panthers: We much prefer our cats in stupid Internet memes.
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Macklemore: At last, an event where it's acceptable to wear that shirt that smells like piss.
Follow Ciara LaVelle on Twitter @ciaralavelle.
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