Things To Do

The Ten Best Things to Do in Miami This Weekend

So this weekend is the Miami Marathon.

Hah. Runners.

The whole lot of them. Thinking they're all fancy because they can run 26 miles and challenge their endurance to the outer limits of human possibility.

You know, when we weren't half-functioning adults, we had all the time in the world to train for such things. Not that we ever completed them... we see the word "marathon" as a relative term, anyway.

For example, "I ran a marathon of errands this morning. I'm exhausted," or "That marathon of Real Housewives of Miami really had me glued to my TV."

Friday

Heat v Pistons: It's 18 degrees in Detroit right now. BAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

Carl Craig: Yes, THAT prolific producer with an eclectic and multifaceted discography.

Tattoolapalooza: In fact, we just got one of our tats touched up this week!

International Chocolate Festival: Everything from the bean to the pod to the fountain to the milkshakes!

Saturday

SoBe Dachshund Winterfest: ERMAGERD WEENIER DERGS!

Bachaco: An eight-piece ensemble that does reggae, dancehall, cumbia, and hip-hop.

G.Love & Special Sauce: We're taking guesses as to what "special sauce" he's referring to.

Stephen Knapp: New Light: Fourteen dazzling "light paintings."

Sunday

ING Miami Marathon: For the runners [and for the non-runner carb loaders]!

Justin Bieber: Beleeb us, the Biebs is bad.

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Alex Rodriguez