Were y'all at Artopia last night? No?
No, really. There was an almost-uncomfortable amount of booze and shiny spandex going around -- almost-uncomfortable.
Anyway, you can totally make up for it this weekend (though we won't forgive you too soon because Artopia was a New Times event).
Lots to do in the Magic City for the next few days. Ch-ch-check it out!
Ice Billion Berg Birthday Bash: Celebrate a young man's birthday with the women he loves most -- strippers!
15th Annual Med Marijuana Benefit Concert: Show us your most compelling argument -- for a good cause of course.
Miami's Vice City Rollers vs. Sintral Florida Derby Demons: You don't ever want to be caught in the crosshairs of these badass derby bitches. They. Mean. Business.
Bon Jovi: The feathery-haired musical diety will grace South Florida with his presence. Welcome, o holy one.
Les Misérables: This version won't include Hugh Jackman and Anne Hathaway, BUT it will be epic.
Carnaval on the Mile: The Brazilians of Coral Gables want to show Rio a thing or two or three.
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Harlem Globetrotters: No Harlem Shake here, kids.
Follow Alex on Twitter @ARodWrites.